2016 The new Era of Relationships ( Time our worst Enemy )

Much discussions have been going on amongst the age group Between 38 - 55 years old with regard to their relationships.
This is an age group that is entering a new phase in their lives with regard to their ambitions , family life and inner self.

Its at this age that they realise they are reaching a point where they have accomplished their dream job, or they have not and have given up hope that they can ever recover at this age.
Its at this stage they have outgrown their partners, and either live in a marriage/ relationship that serve no purpose to their well being because they are not emotionally secure to live alone, and therefore they waste the valuable life they have been given to keep the social status or it becomes a token of live and just be....
Its at this stage they start contemplating the thoughts of being alone, because the kids are slowly moving on with their lives and now they start feeling helpless because the family routine of doing , fetching , feeding and cleaning up behind the kids are stopping .Time then becomes their worst enemy because nothing can fulfill the duties towards a loved one, but they not going to be around for long now...

How do we actually remedy the mind set of a person who was a husband/ wife/ parent/ adult always in control of life, steering everyone, being a pillar to the family, and now has to reset their minds of entering a new phase in their lives.
Just as you started crawling, walking , running , talking, and going through the different stages of  baby, toddler, teenager, adult, this too is a new stage which you must learn to adjust your mind, body and soul too.

People who come from their 30's in 40's going to 50's without a soul searching experience, clearly have missed the boat.
if you have not changed physically, mentally or emotionally during this phase then you have not " Found your inner self " yet.

This is an era where you must look within yourself , make the changes within your own soul through Prayers, meditation and solitude..
People often see relationships at this age where they are stuck, Why would you want to waste your life in a relationship that does not make you smile each morning, that does not bring out the best in you, that does not lift your spirits up when you down, Why waste your last years on this valuable earth just being....You came into this world alone to live, eat and pray, so why attach yourself to unhappiness. Married couples should really take each others trust and demand changes within the marriage, say that you have been living together, 10, 15, 15 years together, lets recreate ourselves, we not kids anymore, we can do whatever we want to do, so lets live each moment with joy, this is our last years together ...lets make the best years count...( Trust me this is the best years, because you can do whatever you like and besides you too old to be told what to do...)

Those entering new relationships, this is the best time to choose people who is different from you, different culture, different country, different ethnicity, because at this stage in your life the baby booming season is over, its all about you and your partner/wife/companion. This is a time where you can explore new things, new people, new countries, The world is your oyster, its just waiting for you to open it and find the pearls of life.

Now we all have to change the way we date in 2016...
Technology is the new heart...
In order to have a brilliant relationship at this age in this era is changing the way you communicate ( this is more for the men wink wink ) Learn how to communicate. Woman her verbal beings and men are physical beings. To men as long as you have your phone with you they think it ends there, noooo, the phone is there to communicate with not an accessory... send those 1 sec messages of I miss you .., thats it, thats all it it takes to keep your lady happy for the day, infact she will keep looking at that one message all day until she hears from you again. Women, women, please note not all men this age have learnt the art of using the phone to express their love to you, In their minds they expect you to just "know" that you in their hearts ( physical love ) If you expecting at this age that they going to learn to multitask their lives with technology love then you will have to wait until they 75...., unless you start throwing all "your toys" at them and demand attention from them when they apart then perhaps you will get the point accross to them...

Dangers of Online Dating...

Online dating is the new form of dating , Placing a profile online as to what you would want from a partner and placing a picture of yourself makes online dating so much easier to find a mate. I read many profiles some very intellectual and some very childish. I always enjoyed reading through the profiles to understand what people needs are for a relationship and what makes people happy for a relationship. It always seem the majority of men want to relive there childhood, There profiles always wanted an outdoor girl, what ever that meant, in my opinion if she was outdoors then when will she have time to be a mother and wife, but that is exactly what these men did not want, they wanted a playmate, and there was some which you can see from there profiles wanted pure wives too look after them. Most of the men I came across who have given up most of the lives for the career get to an age between 50 and 60 years old and then realize they worked so hard to climb the corporate ladder and now that they are busy falling off from it there is no one to catch them, Online dating is a secure way of meeting people and safe from a female point of view because you can sit in your home and choose a potential partner. We would never walk in a mall, see a guy/gal, walk up to them, and say, “Hi, would you like to chat” therefore online dating is a great forum to meet people.

The danger of online dating is not meeting the people physically, because you meet them in malls for coffee and if you do not like them, you move on. The dangers of online dating are more to do with our mental state of mind. Being single for 3 years and meeting people online has given me the opportunity to meet wonderful people whom I could never have met if I have not been online. After 3 years of online dating, I still find myself single, why? Most ask me. The Answer is simple. We as humans attract what our wants are, you have a profile, which you “advise” people to react to, and you have a mental profile in your subconscious of what you want within a person. The two does not necessary correspond. Firstly you place an ad to suit the norm and to present yourself as normal as possible. The underlying problem is in what state of mind are you actually writing that profile.

There can be many reasons why you actually going online,
You have been hurt by a someone you have loved dearly
You are on the rebound
You trying to prove a point to the ex. That you can be with someone.
You need to find a partner before your ex does.
You don’t want to be alone
You insecure and need validation that you can be loved.
The list is endless

No one goes onto the site because they feel secure, loved and want to enhance another’s life. Online dating is like trying to manipulate destiny ourselves because there is an urgency to heal, and therefore allowing destiny to play its part would only prolong our agony. Yes, many have found there partners online, I say look within yourself and ask yourself, “Did you really find what your heart desire” or did that person fulfill a need of desperation that you needed to be filled by someone.

When I say we attract what we put out, I also mean that when we are hurting and feel unloved, it is obvious that is what we will attract. Online dating is that attraction. Healthy minded people would not consider choosing partners from a site because they know those people are not healthy within there hearts and mind. Who wants to spend there lives healing someone who cannot heal himself or herself. Healthy relationships come from the people involved who understand what it means to love unconditionally and those people know that they are emotionally stable and that is what they will attract. You will meet a vast amount of people from all walks OF LIFE ONLINE but they will all have the same thing in common. Trying to find someone to heal them because they do not understand that what you think you attract , they hurting therefore they attract others who are hurting into there lives only to find that 3 or 4 months down the line things don’t work out because perhaps they are healed and the relationship does not serve there purpose anymore.

To have a healthy relationship with someone you need to understand what your needs are, you need to Learn and feel the difference between love and hurt. You have to understand Healthy minds create healthy relationships. You cannot heal nor mend another person only yourself. When you are focused and you can smile to yourself because you feel contentment then that is the time when you will attract another person whom you will feel comfortable to allow them to enhance what you have already achieved. You do not do any justice to the other person by smothering them with your love when they cannot find it in there own heart to love themselves. Allow them the space to find love within themselves. Set them free to find themselves and when they come back you know you can have a relationship based on love and not needs. Another fatal flaw with online dating is that people do not put there 100% into the relationship as they know with one click of a mouse they can find another…. In addition, those who do date with there online potentials will always have the fear that they could be busy with other people online too. When a relationship starts wrong then it will breed all the wrong emotions in the relationship. Trust and Love will be taken for granted….

Identifying "Players" And Red Flags (Compiled by a man Christian Carter)

Have you ever been mixed up with a "Player"?
One that seemed like a great guy at first, but turned out to be a complete different person?
Unfortunately, if you're like lots of women I know, then at some point you dated a guy who seemed great, but you didn't figure out what he was really about until it was too late.
And you had already become emotionally and physically involved with a guy who wasn't really in it with you for the right reasons.
He just wanted to "hook up" and play around.
How come these awful and painful situations happen to so many women over and over?
Is it because men just dont understand the hurt they put woman thru?
Or is there a way a woman can learn to spot some of the "red flags" in a man before she gets too involved?
Let me answer those questions by first talking about what a Player is, why he's not into anything "real"... and how to avoid getting "lured in" by these kinds of men in the first place...

HOW PLAYERS HOOK YOU IN
The scenario with a Player usually goes a little something like this:
You're out with your girlfriends and you spot a really attractive guy checking you out from across the room.
You both make eye contact and he heads over to you and he immediately says something like:
"I usually don't this, but you're the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long time, and I just HAD to talk to you."
He may offer to buy you a drink. He may say something funny or sarcastic.
And you're disarmed by his looks, his confidence and charm, and in the back of your mind you wonder if he's a little too good to be true.
You know you should hold back a little and you wonder who this guy REALLY IS, but you just can't seem to help yourself...
Next thing you know, you feel that rush of excitement and anticipation the more you talk and laugh together, and by the end of the evening he may even casually ask if he can come over and "hang out" a bit longer with you.
Or just grab a drink and keep "talking".
You hardly hesitate before saying yes.
In your mind, inviting him back to your place seems completely OK... even though you're NOT the kind of woman who does this sort of thing when you first meet a man.
But you're SURE that there's something DIFFERENT about this guy. And he assures you that he's a "good" guy and he's really into you - at least indirectly.
Which makes it O.K. Why shouldn't you enjoy the moment with this great guy you've just met?
And before you know it, you're back at his place or yours, and things get physical and you spend the night together.
But then it happens...
The next morning he seems a little different.
He's not so chatty and curious about you.
He's actually kind of quiet and withdrawn...
and you start getting that "gut feeling" that you may have made a TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
As he leaves he tells you that he'll DEFINITELY call you.
You want to believe him, but either he never calls you... or after a couple of random e-mails or calls or text messages, he stops calling altogether.
And it dawns on you...
This guy wasn't DIFFERENT.
He wasn't SPECIAL.
And he certainly wasn't going to be the love of your life.
This guy is a PLAYER!
You're so mad and embarrassed that you've been played AGAIN, it almost makes you want to give up on love altogether.
Lots of women in this situation become understandably frustrated, upset, and end up feeling and acting a little "weird" around men they meet after this happens.
Part of this is of course because, at a deeper level, they've lost TRUST in men.
Don't let what you don't know, and what you haven't been able to identify in men before when you've "dated" keep from allowing a great relationship to start and grow with the RIGHT MAN.

WHY MEN ACT LIKE PLAYERS AND ENJOY "THE GAME"
The SAD TRUTH is that some men view picking
up women as a sort of game.
They talk and brag about women with other men and describe the way they meet and attract women,
all to make themselves feel more significant and attractive or powerful as a man.
In some male circles, this can even be a sign of status and power.
Of course, this external "power" doesn't have any real meaning, and it's an immature way for a man
to feel better about himself and try and connect to the world.
But in reality, the Mr. Perfect Player DOESN'T
have the confidence and inner-strength you thought he did at first.
His "great job" is really a way for him to try and raise his self-esteem
And his air of confidence is part of the persona he puts on to try and get women interested
in him and fill his bed (instead of his heart and his mind).
So why do men like this do it?
Why do Players seem to lie, and how they can be so cruel, detached, and selfish?
Are they completely sick and twisted individuals?
Or do these "bad boys" have more in common
with your everyday male than you might care to know?

Player Type #1) The "Ego-Driven" Player These are the guys who want or need attention
from multiple women because it feeds their ego and makes them feel better about themselves. They aren't necessarily bad guys, and often develop deep connections with the women they're with... but they're shameless flirts that usually don' t know any better than to live their lives seeking approval and validation from lots of women. And the affection of a woman and sex is their ultimate form of getting approval. You'll find these guys constantly in and out of short "relationships", but never making any of them work out... because it's really all about them.

Player Type #2) The "Social" Player:
These are the guys who make a career out of
learning how to pick up women and it becomes
their favorite evening pastime. They're in it for
more of the challenge and experience than they
are for the actual "connection" with the women
they meet. You'll find them out partying all the
time, always going somewhere, always having a
woman to call, and never spending a night home
alone. These are the types who rarely, if ever,
have real girlfriends and relationships.

Player Type #3) The "Intimate" Player:
These guys are seeking something purely physical
from a woman, and don't have much else on their mind... but they mask it by being very friendly and loving when they're in the company of a woman.
But it isn't really love for them. They're often the most sensual and artistic types, and charm
women with their ability to be in touch with their feelings and their ability to make a woman
comfortable with intimate contact soon after they meet.
You'll find these guys dating lots of women
at one time and feeling no need to "commit," nor
seeing a reason to. They're very open one night, and casual and detached the next.
Do any of these jog your memory?I think every woman has met at least one or
two of these guys.
So why do intelligent, attractive and exciting women fall for jerks like these who are obviously
out for themselves?
And why is it hard for some women to see the signs of a Player coming before getting involved
with one?

WHY WOMEN FALL FOR PLAYERS
There's one word that answers why women so easily fall for the lines and find themselves
getting duped by these kind of men:
CHEMISTRY.
You could also call this "Connection".
Here's something you should know, that I
find FASCINATING...
Oftentimes, the men who AREN'T very caring, generous, patient, polite, considerate, etc., end
up attracting women with their not-so-sweet and charming ways.
I'm sure you've seen this with way too many of your girlfriends.
And maybe even with yourself. Why?
Well, the short explanation is this-

Attraction Secret #1: What makes a man attractive
to a woman, and creates that magic and intense
"spark" of chemistry, has NOTHING to do with
whether or not a man would make a great LONG-TERM PARTNER.
In other words... just because you can "feel
it" with a man and share an intense level of
Physical Attraction, it doesn't mean that you also
share what will make you great partners in a loving relationship.
For a man, Physical Attraction has very little to do with his "Emotional Brain."
A man can feel INTENSE Physical Attraction for a woman, and have an amazing connection with her... but experience little or no desire to get
into a deeper relationship.
This is where tons of women make a huge mistake that guarantees they have an impossible
time getting to know a man, and seeing if he's real "relationship material" from the start.

Attraction Secret #2: Not only does having
"chemistry" with a man have nothing to do with whether he'd make a great partner... but the
kinds of qualities that can make you FEEL ATTRACTED to a man can even be the very ones
that make for a BAD PARTNER. Fascinating.
I want you to think about this. The very nature of the "bad" qualities that
a man has can be the very things that make you feel ATTRACTION to him.
Of course, whenever women first hear me say this, they roll their eyes and say, "No way.
That's ridiculous!"
These are usually the women who are THE MOST GUILTY of being attracted to the wrong men because they're completely UNCONSCIOUS of the deeper "triggers" of attraction going on underneath the surface.
Let me give you an example with one of my
very favorite qualities that adds to attraction-
UNPREDICTABILITY.
There's a funny trick our mind plays on us
all the time, every day, which has to do with things that are predictable and unpredictable.
Since our minds have to process so much information, it often creates "shortcuts" and
groups the predictable behavior into one lump category, which are things that end up unnoticed
and are hard to remember in hindsight...But UNpredictable behavior makes us our minds
instantly take notice and whole set of intense feelings and emotions are triggered inside us.
Imagine how you would feel, for example, if you witnessed an airplane crash on your typical,
boring drive to work tomorrow morning. Would that be difficult to recall later?
I'm guessing you would probably relive that incident the entire day, and remember it for the
rest of your life.Unpredictable events often bring about feelings
of excitement, danger, anticipation, curiosity,
etc.
And guess what?
These are some of the same feelings we experience when we experience ATTRACTION and LOVE.
So here's where lots of women run into trouble in their love-lives...
What makes Players and Bad Boys intriguing and often exciting to be around has NOTHING to do with whether they'd make a good mate or partner.
They just act in a way that makes them SEEM exciting or different.
And in case that wasn't strange or frustrating enough for you, here's some more bad news...
While these Players are wasting your time with
their phony lines and empty promises, the men who ARE actually looking for a deeper connection or relationship are standing alone because they often
AREN'T as skilled or experienced at creating an initial connection with a woman the way a Player is.They don't know much about how to make a woman "feel it" when they first meet them... so they don't get noticed.They seem like "nice guys".
In other words, the "average" guy who still could be as loving, caring, fun and exciting as
any other man hasn't usually gone out and practiced his "approach" on a hundred women like
most lots of Players have.So he's not going to likely be the one who
makes you feel that intense instant chemistry...Which puts both him and you at a disadvantage.

HOW TO DEAL WITH PLAYERS
So... now that I've explained who the Players are and why they do it, you may be wondering,
"How can I tell a Player from a Good Guy who just happens to be attractive and likes to do
fun, exciting, unpredictable stuff?"
And..."How do I filter out the Players without becoming a jaded, bitchy woman who second-guesses everything good a man tries to do and say?"Having to always guess if a man's intentions are "true" or not is a real pain. But guess what?
These are the REALITIES of being a MATURE WOMAN who's seeking a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a MATURE MAN.And guess what else?
Anything besides a MATURE RELATIONSHIP is going to hurt and disappoint you.
Here's a common mistake women make at this stage that I want you to avoid at all costs:
A lot of women think that they can "save" or "convert" a player by simply showing him MORE
love and understanding... because they believe the guy just hasn't found the right kind of
love with the right woman... and that the "connection" they share is special and real.
If you care about yourself, and your sanity, don't kid yourself.
It's a hopeless cause with a man who doesn't have RELATIONSHIP on his mind..
You need a mature and loving PARTNER, not a PROJECT.
In fact, if you're serious about finding a man for a truly loving relationship... then I'd
suggest you find a man who is not only interested in a relationship, but has done lots of reading
and learning about "relationship" and "relationship dynamics" on his own.
These are the men who make it easy to share and grow with.
The truth is that a relationship is only as good as the people in it.
But if you're like lots of women, that doesn't stop you from choosing a man just because of the
way he can make you FEEL sometimes when things are at their best.
Of course, right now you might be thinking,"Come on, Christian, what's so wrong with
being optimistic? Aren't there always exceptions
to every rule?" This isn't just a matter of being optimistic,
this is being DELUSIONAL when you're dealing with a Player.
You can't fix a man, and you can't love and care enough FOR him to make it work for the both
of you. If you've ever found yourself "carrying" a relationship and doing all the "work" yourself,
while the man seems to just keep making the same mistakes over and over and doesn't grow... then guess what? YOU are one of the women living a inside a
pretend-relationship where you'll do anything to cover up the fact that who the man you're with really it isn't working for you. Which means... you are playing the role of"The Fixer" - aka "The Convincer." And where does that get you?
Nowhere, FAST. So am I'm saying that players NEVER, EVER settle down?
No... OCCASIONALLY some Players learn to drop the hustle and get involved in a serious
relationship. But it NEVER happens just because a woman, or
ANYONE for that matter, asks him or wants him to. It's because he makes his own mind up.
So how do you deal with a guy you suspect might be "playing" you?
The best tool a woman has against Players is the POWER of QUESTIONS.
Questions like,
"You're so cute. I'm just curious, are you
involved with anyone right now?" Or...
"What kind of experience are you looking for with a woman at this point in your life?"
Or... if a man has asked you out, you might be a little playful with him and ask:
"So why did you ask me out?"If the man you ask questions to is a genuinely
"Good Guy," he'll answer and address your questions and doubts with mature responses.
And he'll probably tell you some fascinatingand revealing things about himself. Especially
if you ask and listen in a way that seems simply and curious - not leading and judgmental.
And here's the fascinating part... he'll do this even if you've had other men act weird or
freak out when you asked these same questions.
Crazy, huh?
A Good Guy might even turn your questions into FUN and FLIRTATIOUS opportunities for
connection and growth point between you two. Of course, an immature man, or a man who
doesn't have his act together for a relationship,
will get pretty irritated or thrown off by these kinds of questions.
By learning how and when to ask the right questions, women are use to having those
frustrating "repeat relationships" that go nowhere learn how to get to the heart of the matter and recognize a Good Guy from a Player... and create a loving relationship that works with the right man.
There is Good men waiting for you to Buzz them....

Relationship Issues…Why do we need to be Loved?...16 July 2007

Why do we need to be in love?
Why do we choose the partners that we fall in love with?
If we all had the answers I suppose we would all not Love at all.
With a few experiences and Research, we can teach ourselves to understand these complex emotions and learn how to manage these feelings in a loving and constructive way. We all try very hard to avoid hurt and pain but little do we know that those emotions bring out the hidden “agendas” within ourselves that is actually fighting to be released from our bodies and it takes certain people to draw it out of us. We might feel that they are responsible for our hurt and suffering but we do not realize at the time that no one can hurt something that is within you but yourself. Some might say He/She is responsible for hurting me but the reality is, He/she is not, he/she is part of your life but they cannot hold, control nor make you feel your value. You have to be responsible for your own heart, feelings and life. We make the mistake or we give other people the responsibility of taking care what is within ourselves who are irresponsible and then becomes very destructive to our well-being. If we made that choice of allowing other people to take care of our heart and feelings then how can we blame them for not taking care of it the way we would have ourselves. That is why when we are hurt and when we are disappointed we cannot say they hurt us, they broke our heart, they let us down, and we did that to ourselves by not taking care of ourselves.

Points on why people yearn to be in relationships, which is for all the wrong reasons.
1. Loneliness
2. pressure
3. Lust
4. Rebound
5. Trophy
6. Validation
7. Emotional Emptiness

Loneliness:
I consider loneliness the second killer after aids. Loneliness is all in the mind, we can be sitting in a crowd amongst our family, kids and friends that adore us but the loneliness cannot be erased. An example of loneliness and I am sure many can relate to this story is when you sitting at home all alone, you think back of your ex you then feel empty, your heart hurts and you remember the happy times, someone that made you feel special and then suddenly you will hear yourself saying “maybe I should call and tell him I miss him” it cant hurt, can it? Perhaps that relationship was for me ….
Another example : you on a date and she is not that attractive but what the heck it beats sitting at home alone, you finish your dinner and your thoughts are racing , as this lady is giving you signals that she likes you but you know she is not the one for you but she is filling a gap. You missed the closeness and she is providing it for you, so what if you decide to sleep with her, it does not mean you have to marry her, Right?

Take the first story, loneliness drove her to call her ex, he came over, cheered her up and slept with her, the next day when the loneliness period disappeared they found themselves back in the red zone and eventually had no option but to break all ties.
The second story He starts to feel comfortable with the idea of having someone around, she is in love with him, he only needs someone to fill his loneliness and eventually he marries her, A few months later after his heart and frame of mind is healed and stronger to be independent he finds himself in a miserable marriage because his needs are not met by her anymore. He leaves her and moves on.

Pressure
Woman have these pressures more than men do, they have to consider there age for child bearing, they have to consider there Looks and Body as time goes on. Men’s pressure comes mostly from being financially stable. We are pressured by our friends which are married but little do we know they actually envy us being single because we not the ones that need to rush to cook for our husbands , we can decide to go to the movies when it pleases us and there is no need to fill out leave forms to leave the house. Single people are always pressured to settle down because society has placed that “burden” on relationships.

Lust
Many people prolong toxic relationships because there partner is good in bed. People who have the tendency to confuse love with lust have the problem with having sexual encounters with many people without realizing that they have lost all value to themselves. It is not about Love but it is about wanting someone, no matter who it is as long as it is filled with a human. Someone that renders a service and makes you feel validated as a person. This is one of the most dangerous emotions that man has which leads to there emotional downfall. People loose a part of themselves, the values and there loving partners through this number one relationship killer

ReboundThis is my favorite topic. Many people think the quickest way to overcome there pain is through another person. Big mistake! You will find that these rebound relationships are all quick fixes. I met a man who I did not know came out of a painful relationship, I fell in love with him and little did I know I was filling a lonely heart that was in rebound after being released from an intense relationship. After a few months all the hurtful emotions that he did not deal with started to surface and doubt started sinking into his mind that I would do the same as his ex did to him because he did not fall in love with the value of my love but the idea of filling his loneliness and what he has lost. I could say it was a conflict of emotions, which was not dealt with correctly, and he got into our relationship for all the wrong reasons. People like me are available to others who come out of painful relationships and we end with the pain because our love heals there past pains. So my advise would be , if you know someone came out of a painful relationship its best you wait for them to heal and deal with there pain but don’t get emotionally involve with someone who needs to let go of past pains. You will be left dealing with all that pain and they will be healed and ready to move onto a healthy relationship.

Trophy
A very interesting subject, a new and upcoming kind of relationship that is breeding faster than any virus I know. Woman of a certain category age group find themselves victims to this new age relationship. At first she will not know that she falls into that category she will be told after she is in it for a few months but will not understand it until the end of the relationship becomes inevitable. The “trophy” relationship is based on how she makes him feel in public, it is a “show” not a relationship. It is all how she makes him feel in public and what she provides as a woman rather than as a person. He would prefer to be out having dinners in the best restaurants so that people can see who he is with and that will boost his ego, He would not prefer to take her to places where they are intimately alone, in fact he would be very annoyed when they are alone because she does nothing for him, it is her presence that attracts others to look at him that strokes his ego and that is what he strives on, his need is ego driven not her. He needs public validation and she provides him with that attention .This need of validation becomes painful to him because eventually the trophy starts rusting and then needs to be replaced and the cycle continues until he becomes to old to provide the needs to maintain a trophy.

Validation
We all are victims to this word. Some enter into relationship to feel validated even though they hate the things there partner does, Example they would never choose a partner that drinks nor a partner that loves naked bars but there need for validation allows them to look pass that and they enter into validation relationships because of that need, but when they are validated they become restless as the need increases and for that reason they will never feel secure because of the constant need to be validated.

Emotional emptiness
People who constantly feel empty and feel a void in there lives enter into this kind of relationship. This emptiness are experienced by discomfort or tension in its mild forms, later it leads to depression and many men fall into these stages but never understand it. Whether a relationship is healthy or not, loving or abusive, fulfilling or annoying it will be unimportant because just the idea of “being in a relationship” fills the emptiness.

You can see how easy it is to get into a wrong relationship for the wrong reasons with the wrong people. Only after months when the high has worn off do we see clearly of our mistake that then leads to pain. More painful is when you are faced with the reality that you could have avoided this pain but chose the “quick fix” method.

Love is a wonderful emotion filled with joy and it heightens our existence. At the same time when we use these tools incorrectly, it could cause major damage to our lives. How often do you hear someone say, “You make me miserable,”” I am annoyed by the way you love me”…etc so often this is the kind of person who lacks wholeness and completion in himself or herself. They are the people who fears love because they have emotional damage that they have not learned to deal with it. Telling your partner that something as beautiful as love is annoying should tell you about the emotional scars he/ she carries within themselves and your love is so strong that the more you love them the more you draw out the pain, I would say that could be very healing to the one who is receiving the love and the person that is loving should not feel belittled because they are helping someone to heal. The One who fights against an emotion of love is one who loves deeply, He/she will go through the extremes to push, hurt and avoid the one who loves them. Some people do not understand that sometimes allowing them to feel the pain of love is actually, what they need to heal. Allow the other persons love to draw out the pain within you. Do not try to avoid them; do not try to persuade them that you are not what they want. Trust there judgment that they know what they want. You need to trust yourself and understand that if they are drawing out so much pain then it means that they can fill it with so much love. You need to be honest and tell them that you want to love but you need there support in understanding that you need time to heal. As long as there is respect and devotion, then it is healthy but when it becomes abusive and disrespectful then that is when you have to draw the line.

Relationship Issues…Why do we need to be Loved?...

Why do we need to be in love?
Why do we choose the partners that we fall in love with?
If we all had the answers I suppose we would all not Love at all.
With a few experiences and Research, we can teach ourselves to understand these complex emotions and learn how to manage these feelings in a loving and constructive way. We all try very hard to avoid hurt and pain but little do we know that those emotions bring out the hidden “agendas” within ourselves that is actually fighting to be released from our bodies and it takes certain people to draw it out of us. We might feel that they are responsible for our hurt and suffering but we do not realize at the time that no one can hurt something that is within you but yourself. Some might say He/She is responsible for hurting me but the reality is, He/she is not, he/she is part of your life but they cannot hold, control nor make you feel your value. You have to be responsible for your own heart, feelings and life. We make the mistake or we give other people the responsibility of taking care what is within ourselves who are irresponsible and then becomes very destructive to our well-being. If we made that choice of allowing other people to take care of our heart and feelings then how can we blame them for not taking care of it the way we would have ourselves. That is why when we are hurt and when we are disappointed we cannot say they hurt us, they broke our heart, they let us down, and we did that to ourselves by not taking care of ourselves.

Points on why people yearn to be in relationships, which is for all the wrong reasons.
1. Loneliness
2. pressure
3. Lust
4. Rebound
5. Trophy
6. Validation
7. Emotional Emptiness

Loneliness:
I consider loneliness the second killer after aids. Loneliness is all in the mind, we can be sitting in a crowd amongst our family, kids and friends that adore us but the loneliness cannot be erased. An example of loneliness and I am sure many can relate to this story is when you sitting at home all alone, you think back of your ex you then feel empty, your heart hurts and you remember the happy times, someone that made you feel special and then suddenly you will hear yourself saying “maybe I should call and tell him I miss him” it cant hurt, can it? Perhaps that relationship was for me ….
Another example : you on a date and she is not that attractive but what the heck it beats sitting at home alone, you finish your dinner and your thoughts are racing , as this lady is giving you signals that she likes you but you know she is not the one for you but she is filling a gap. You missed the closeness and she is providing it for you, so what if you decide to sleep with her, it does not mean you have to marry her, Right?

Take the first story, loneliness drove her to call her ex, he came over, cheered her up and slept with her, the next day when the loneliness period disappeared they found themselves back in the red zone and eventually had no option but to break all ties.
The second story He starts to feel comfortable with the idea of having someone around, she is in love with him, he only needs someone to fill his loneliness and eventually he marries her, A few months later after his heart and frame of mind is healed and stronger to be independent he finds himself in a miserable marriage because his needs are not met by her anymore. He leaves her and moves on.

Pressure
Woman have these pressures more than men do, they have to consider there age for child bearing, they have to consider there Looks and Body as time goes on. Men’s pressure comes mostly from being financially stable. We are pressured by our friends which are married but little do we know they actually envy us being single because we not the ones that need to rush to cook for our husbands , we can decide to go to the movies when it pleases us and there is no need to fill out leave forms to leave the house. Single people are always pressured to settle down because society has placed that “burden” on relationships.

Lust
Many people prolong toxic relationships because there partner is good in bed. People who have the tendency to confuse love with lust have the problem with having sexual encounters with many people without realizing that they have lost all value to themselves. It is not about Love but it is about wanting someone, no matter who it is as long as it is filled with a human. Someone that renders a service and makes you feel validated as a person. This is one of the most dangerous emotions that man has which leads to there emotional downfall. People loose a part of themselves, the values and there loving partners through this number one relationship killer

ReboundThis is my favorite topic. Many people think the quickest way to overcome there pain is through another person. Big mistake! You will find that these rebound relationships are all quick fixes. I met a man who I did not know came out of a painful relationship, I fell in love with him and little did I know I was filling a lonely heart that was in rebound after being released from an intense relationship. After a few months all the hurtful emotions that he did not deal with started to surface and doubt started sinking into his mind that I would do the same as his ex did to him because he did not fall in love with the value of my love but the idea of filling his loneliness and what he has lost. I could say it was a conflict of emotions, which was not dealt with correctly, and he got into our relationship for all the wrong reasons. People like me are available to others who come out of painful relationships and we end with the pain because our love heals there past pains. So my advise would be , if you know someone came out of a painful relationship its best you wait for them to heal and deal with there pain but don’t get emotionally involve with someone who needs to let go of past pains. You will be left dealing with all that pain and they will be healed and ready to move onto a healthy relationship.

Trophy
A very interesting subject, a new and upcoming kind of relationship that is breeding faster than any virus I know. Woman of a certain category age group find themselves victims to this new age relationship. At first she will not know that she falls into that category she will be told after she is in it for a few months but will not understand it until the end of the relationship becomes inevitable. The “trophy” relationship is based on how she makes him feel in public, it is a “show” not a relationship. It is all how she makes him feel in public and what she provides as a woman rather than as a person. He would prefer to be out having dinners in the best restaurants so that people can see who he is with and that will boost his ego, He would not prefer to take her to places where they are intimately alone, in fact he would be very annoyed when they are alone because she does nothing for him, it is her presence that attracts others to look at him that strokes his ego and that is what he strives on, his need is ego driven not her. He needs public validation and she provides him with that attention .This need of validation becomes painful to him because eventually the trophy starts rusting and then needs to be replaced and the cycle continues until he becomes to old to provide the needs to maintain a trophy.

Validation
We all are victims to this word. Some enter into relationship to feel validated even though they hate the things there partner does, Example they would never choose a partner that drinks nor a partner that loves naked bars but there need for validation allows them to look pass that and they enter into validation relationships because of that need, but when they are validated they become restless as the need increases and for that reason they will never feel secure because of the constant need to be validated.

Emotional emptiness
People who constantly feel empty and feel a void in there lives enter into this kind of relationship. This emptiness are experienced by discomfort or tension in its mild forms, later it leads to depression and many men fall into these stages but never understand it. Whether a relationship is healthy or not, loving or abusive, fulfilling or annoying it will be unimportant because just the idea of “being in a relationship” fills the emptiness.

You can see how easy it is to get into a wrong relationship for the wrong reasons with the wrong people. Only after months when the high has worn off do we see clearly of our mistake that then leads to pain. More painful is when you are faced with the reality that you could have avoided this pain but chose the “quick fix” method.

Love is a wonderful emotion filled with joy and it heightens our existence. At the same time when we use these tools incorrectly, it could cause major damage to our lives. How often do you hear someone say, “You make me miserable,”” I am annoyed by the way you love me”…etc so often this is the kind of person who lacks wholeness and completion in himself or herself. They are the people who fears love because they have emotional damage that they have not learned to deal with it. Telling your partner that something as beautiful as love is annoying should tell you about the emotional scars he/ she carries within themselves and your love is so strong that the more you love them the more you draw out the pain, I would say that could be very healing to the one who is receiving the love and the person that is loving should not feel belittled because they are helping someone to heal. The One who fights against an emotion of love is one who loves deeply, He/she will go through the extremes to push, hurt and avoid the one who loves them. Some people do not understand that sometimes allowing them to feel the pain of love is actually, what they need to heal. Allow the other persons love to draw out the pain within you. Do not try to avoid them; do not try to persuade them that you are not what they want. Trust there judgment that they know what they want. You need to trust yourself and understand that if they are drawing out so much pain then it means that they can fill it with so much love. You need to be honest and tell them that you want to love but you need there support in understanding that you need time to heal. As long as there is respect and devotion, then it is healthy but when it becomes abusive and disrespectful then that is when you have to draw the line.

A message to my Kids- Fayaadh, Fadwa and Salma...

As a family we have build a strong foundation
You might have been alone physically
However, you have never been alone spiritually
I have walked every path with you
Because those paths I have created for you …

For your gain, I have tasted pain
I lived to be the very best for you
Your dreams are in my hands
And one day when my finest day comes,
You will be all that I seized for you …
All that I am, was for you
I am racing with destiny now
You will have the very best.
I will give you rods to fish
However, never give you fish…
You will be all that you can be,
While I watch from a distance

If you should fall, trust that I will
Be there to catch you and place you were you belong,
Many have unseen guardian angels
You will have one, which you will call
MOM

My love for you will always be unconditional
I will love you in a way, no other will understand
I am your pillar when all else crumble

I will not think for you
I will advise
I will not live your dreams
I will direct it
I will not keep you under my wing
As that will hamper your growth
I will not watch over you

but for you
I will not feed you by my hand
However, will teach you how to eat.

I will not abide by the norms but you will be
Independent, healthy and loving adults
You will understand the trials and errors of life
I have taught you one lesson
Always remember, it’s your life, make your own rules
As long as you have a good character, nothing else matters
Because no money nor wealth can buy that
And character is the only thing we leave and take
With us to the grave…

How to Deal with Grief....

Know that it is common to move back and forth between stages. Grieving rarely goes in a straight line!
Denial:
You can't believe the relationship is over or that this is happening to you. There must be some mistake!

Shock:
You might feel pain, numbness, feeling out of control, feeling like you're going crazy. You may experience mood swings, panic, rage, relief, optimism, freedom, despair, anxiety­­just about any emotion you can think of! This stage may go on for months.
Common fears include "how will I survive" (financially, emotionally, physically, etc); fears about the intensity of feelings; fears about being unloveable or never able to love again; fears that you will never get through the pain, that this is how you will feel the rest of your life! You may feel panicked about the future. You might fear what other people think of you.

Confusion/Rollercoaster:
The feelings, thoughts, questions go around and around and around and never seem to settle down.
There is a great need to try to make sense of what has happened. Why did it happen? What did I do? What's wrong with me? Was there ever real love in our relationship?
Your brain will invent numerous stories to try to make sense of it. Your imagination may run wild.
You may blame yourself for everything. You may blame your spouse for everything. You may blame other people, work, kids, in-laws, God­­all as part of searching for sense.
You may question your own judgement about people and life.
Thoughts about what happened will keep intruding. It may feel as though you can never stop thinking about it. You will tend to re-hash it over and over and over.
You may feel incompetent, inadequate. Depression may settle in. You may find yourself crying for little or no reason at times and places you don't expect to. It may seem as though your crying will never stop.

Hope and bargaining:
There is a desire and a belief that somehow it will still work out and the relationship will be reconciled. You might think of all the ways you are willing to change or things you are willing to do and that if you could just do these, the relationship will be healed. Part of the challenge of this stage is to recognize that no matter what you do, say, think, want, you cannot control the other person.

Letting Go of the Old Relationship:
Realizing and accepting that the relationship is truly over and can never be the way it was again. Even if you continue to co-parent, the relationship will need to be completely different than the old. Doing the groundwork for forgiveness that includes naming, claiming the injuries, blaming, balancing and finally choosing to forgive in steps. Liberates YOU from the past.

Growth and emergence:
Gradually the rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions begins to even out. Some of the intensity decreases. You begin to notice that you can make a difference in your own life, that you can create a fulfilling life for yourself after this experience. You begin to make plans. You take more action. You try new interests and discover more of your strengths and talents. You develop areas of yourself that you thought were weaknesses. You feel some fears, but you go forward in spite of them. You move out of focusing solely on the past. You move from pain into possibility. You begin to let go of thoughts, beliefs, blame that keep you locked in the past. You discover more of your own power.

What if you are the one that left?
Some of the things that leavers frequently experience may include some of the stages listed above. This usually starts for the leaver while still in the marriage. Other concerns leavers express are:
Lack of support or understanding of your pain, guilt, sadness, fears, etc.
Misunderstanding of what you did do to try to save the relationship, feeling you could have tried harder.
Feeling like a failure especially when you may have tried to change your behavior and were unsuccessful.
Wondering if it was the right decision.
Fear of rejection from children, friends, family.
Fear of being blamed for everything that led to the breakdown of the marriage.
Feeling lost, alone and wanting to jump into another relationship to ease the pain

We all need to learn how to CHEW

We all get to stages in our lives when we are faced with situations that are foreign. The only way to overcome them is too learn how to CHEW at life….

C – Courage – Learn how to have courage to make the changes we need to make.
H – Heal – Learn how to Heal and release the past pain and move forward.
E – Energy – Learn how to have the Energy to love and live with Passion.
W – Wisdom – Learn to have the Wisdom to understand your life’s lessons…..

We repeat our mistakes and we wonder why we attract certain situations over and over, only because we did not bother to chew at life.

Don’t let others chew at you , allow yourself the space to Chew on your own, By yourself in order to live a Courageous, Healed, Energized life filled with Wisdom……

Compiled By someone who has and is Learning to CHEW also….

Your Country Or My Religion (A love story from Iraq)

On the eve of 30th April 2004, Sharazan, A young South African girl decided to surf the net and see what the mayhem of internet dating is all about. Having her work to concentrate on left no room for relationships, she has always been attracted to foreign countries and decided to meet some friends from the middle-east. First she decided to meet some friends from the war torn country of Iraq and immediately ran a search on Iraq’s internet sites. She came across a site with interesting Muslim names and chose the first name that was online. His name was Abdullah and immediately introduced herself to him.

He was very keen to chat with her as he was a lonely soul in the war torn country. He started by telling her about his country, his life and situation in Mosul Iraq. She was very intrigued by his modesty and his dedication to his country. She spoke about her life in Cape Town, South Africa and about her country and how it has grown into a dynamic country in the past 10 years giving him much hope for a future in his country too. They chatted until the morning and as they decided to log off they made sure to set a time to chat the next day again.

They left with joy in there hearts knowing they have found friendship across the continents. The very next day without any hesitation contact was made again. Abdullah a tall 1.9 m man told Sharazan he felt strange chatting with her as his work kept him busy and little time to meet and chat with females.Sharazaan who has a great personality and very passionate about life decided to ask him a few personal questions about his life. He then told her that he is not married and does not have the desire to marry yet , Sharazan who felt the same told him she would like him as a friend too because she is also not interested in a relationship yet. Sharazan and Abdullah spoke about family life and as days went by the topic soon changed to love. A topic both wanted to avoid but soon it was on there minds. Days went by and the two friends got closer and closer. Her work then had to take her on a two day trip to Cape Town and told Abdullah that she won’t be available for two days, he was saddened by the news but said he would await her return in two days time. When she returned after two days and logged back onto the internet, they both confessed that they missed each other unusually and they then realised that they have fallen in love with each other. Abdullah confessed to Sharazaan that the pass two days without her was worst than the war he is in .Apparently she felt the same about him too.
Abdullah then decided to call her via telephone as he needed to hear the voice of the woman he is falling in love with. She was very excited abut this too and not long her telephone rang. They were very excited and Abdullah tells her,”Your voice sounds like the sound of a piano” and deeper the two fell in love with each other.
Abdullah started resenting the war more each day because it kept them from meeting each other. Iraq had no ministry and he could not obtain a Visa and she being a foreigner would only endanger her life if she entered Iraq.
They were left with no option but to continue there relationship online until the war was over and they could meet. Sharazan became immensely passionate about her relationship with Abdullah. The distance between them were far but there hearts grew closer. The emails and online chats became frustration to the two lovers who desperately wanted to be together. Then Abdullah tells Her he has work in Baghdad as the company he is working for is importing food from Turkey for the Iraqi people and he needs to distribute the food into Bagdad. He has to leave Mosul and go to Baghdad and She became very scared for his safety as Baghdad was the core of the war. The American soldiers were taking over Baghdad and Abdullah being an ex-commander in Sadam’s army would be placing himself in great danger if the Americans caught him in bagdad. Abdullah ensured her that he will be safe as he is travelling with body –guards and he would also call her to re-assure her of his safety. Abdullah being the gentleman as he is tells her that he refuses to die until the day he holds her in his arms and kisses her even if its just for a moment, “our love is far beyond love and when you miss me place your hand on your heart because that is where I am now, and you are my heart too.” With that consolation she greets him and said she would wait patiently for his return.

It was the most frightening experience not being online with him but she kept her faith in God that all will go well. Four days went by and while sitting at her computer the latest news came in that two car bombs has exploded in Baghdad and 17 Iraqi people had been killed. Her heart stood still and tears started filling up in her eyes and suddenly a hallo from her chat messenger came in and it was Abdullah. Her fingers grabbed onto the keyboard telling him how thankful she is that he is alive and with her online. He in return told her that he is happy to be back in Mosul and the hours away from her felt like eternity. They started chatting for hours trying to make up the lost time they missed the pass 4 days.

The love they had for each other grew more and more each second. And tears always followed when they realised they had to log off as they never knew if they would ever be able to see each other again.

The war in Iraq started spreading like wild fire .the American soldiers tried to occupy each piece of land they could find in Iraq against the will of the Iraqi people who tried to protect the country from falling into the hands of the American people .the Americans called these people the “Insurgents” of Iraq. The Iraqi people knew the American forces were there to steal the wealth of there country, the oil... and not to bring about democracy and therefore they had to fight to hold onto there countries wealth.
Abdullah started expressing his fear to her about never meeting her as he did not know his fate anymore in his country. He expressed to her that she has become his life line, his hope and dream in the land of uncertainty that he is in now.
The news on BBC and CNN depicted the horrifying situation the Iraqi people are encountering in the prison camps and there woman being raped by the American soldiers. Abdullah felt that his people could bring a better order in his country than the infidels that is there now. His views on the Americans in Iraq were very strongly expressed as he was a commander in the old army before the American military banned it. Sharazan who did not understand the politics of Iraq very well expressed that not all American soldiers in Iraq are bad .He then asked her why she felt that way and she said “well some American soldiers are helping your people to be better soldiers and training them to protect your country, and that is good for your country” .He paused and said “My dear let me explain to you the danger in the manner in which the American military think.” “Firstly it is not good because the men they are training are the men who are selling our country out to the Americans” “How is that to be “she asked.” Well ,we are trying to keep them out of our country because they are here to steal our resources and by enticing Iraqi men to be trained by them they are throwing away our ideology as iraqians and teaching them the western way of life ,they give them huge sums of money and promise a better way of life but infact they disband the true army of the country and teach men who know they must not turn against the true enemy of our state because they are trained by them our enemy. Therefore we have to eradicate the Americans in our country and those who is pawning our country to them.” Sharazan started to understand the politics as to why the men known as “insurgents” are killing there Iraqi people who is being trained by the American military army.

Abdullah and sharazan just kept the hope and faith alive and believed that destiny has a place for them one day. Weeks went by and all they could hold on was there love and trust for each other. Then one after noon the unthinkable happened and Abdullah tells her that he can’t be online anymore as they have declared a state of emergency in Mosul and he cannot leave his house to be at the internet café. She immediately burst into tears and he calls her on the phone to ease her pain. His voice reassured her that everything will be fine and that she will be his heart in the days to come. It was very difficult to say goodbye and they agree only to say “Ana ahebak” (I Love you) which she says to him and he in return says to her no my love I don’t love you but I will “Ana Amot fek” (I will die for you) You are my heart, my life and my dream and remember there is no life for me without you and left the conversation with fear as this could be the last time they chat with each other. Her pain could be felt by Abdullah who many miles away from her wished he could hold her and remove the hurt she was feeling.

Days went by and she heard no news from Abdullah. She became desperate to know what is happening in Mosul. She then decided to find a friend online in Baghdad who can tell her what is happening in Mosul. She ran a search on the net and saw some people online and started chatting with the first person she saw online in Bagdad.She started her conversation with “hi I am from South Africa how are you” The stranger responded with “hi I am in Bagdad,how are you” She then Asked him what the situation is in Baghdad, and he responded with “well in Baghdad its not as bad as in Mosul , all the activities has moved to Mosul and has been out of control for days now”.” The American soldiers are doing there best to bring stability in the city “.Her heart missing a beat feared her Abdullah’s life and wish she could save him. The gentleman she was chatting seemed very polite and answered many of her questions that she asked him. He then asked her if she could be his online friend as he has no friends in Baghdad and it feels good to have someone to chat with. She agrees as he has become her lifeline to Abdullah.

Early the next morning before she started her daily work, she logs on to see if her friend was online to get the latest news but unfortunately he was still offline. Despair started growing within her as she knew chatting with her new friend would keep her close to Abdullah. Two hours went by and her new friend comes online greeting her with “Good morning South Africa” and she greets him back with “good morning Baghdad”. He then tells her it feels so good to have a friend to chat with early in the morning. She starts the conversation with asking him what the situation is in Mosul and wants to tell him about her beloved in Mosul but feels she could scare him off and she will not get the information she needs. She then decides to hold back that information until later.

They chat about South Africa and she tells him how beautiful the country is not only the scenery but the people living in the country too. We South Africans respect each others beliefs and cultures .We have many different nationalities and like our previous government Nelson Mandela and F.W.De Klerk have taught us that different colours and different cultures can work together side by side separately working towards creating a harmonious life. The people in SA compared to other countries live like royalties and even though we do have poverty the government tries to create jobs by encouraging major corporations to fund in development in helping to create work. he then told her that SA sounds like a wonderful country and he would like to visit it soon for the scenery and to meet her as he finds her very intriguing .She laughed and said “how can you come to that conclusion in one day” and he says to her “well sometimes the heart cannot comprehend what the brain is saying” and even though my brain is saying I only knew you one day my heart feels like I know you for ages”. She then smiles and felt a good friendship coming from the stranger.

There conversations would end up till late in the evenings and after three weeks she decided that it is time to tell her new found friend about her love in Mosul and perhaps he would call him from Baghdad and confirm his safety. She felt confident and knew that her friend was a great and sincere person judging by there conversations they had .He then comes online and she is so excited and ready to chat with him about Abdullah. But before she could say anything he started his conversation with “Sharazaan I need to tell you something very important and I hope you will agree with what I have to say “ surprised by his comment she says “ go ahead what would you like to say cause I have something important to tell you too.” And he continues by saying “well we have spoken so much about everything in life and we are very similar and I have grown so attached to you that I think I have fallen in love with you “Sharazaa very flattered by his words found herself in a state of confusion because she too has developed a sense of feeling for her friend but not love cause she loves Abdullah. A long pause came from both sides and then he asked her what she feels too. She did not want to hurt his feelings and since Abdullah was not online she decided to respond by telling him that she likes him but don’t know him well enough to have fallen in love with him. He then tells her that he will give her time to get to know him better and she may ask him what ever she needs to know about him in order to feel secure with there relationship. She agrees reluctantly and starts by questioning him about his personal life. First I would like to see you via web cam she tells him and he agrees and not long before her eyes on her screen she sees this remarkably handsome man with a great physique and smiling face that captured her heart instantly. he then ask her if she liked what she sees and she agrees that she does and for that moment she feels that she has entered a different level of there relationship.” Can you tell me what your name is “she asked. “ My name is Lionel “he answers.” Okay, are you Christian “she asked him. “Yes I am, do you have a problem with me being Christian” he wanted to know. “No ,I don’t have a problem but I am Muslim and I think we will encounter religious problems because we have different beliefs” she tells him “ “Well I don’t really have a religion that I practice because I believe religions keep people apart and create boundaries and it seems that you going to do the same now” “No I am not going to do that but I feel if I get involve with a man one day it has to be with someone who has the same beliefs like myself” she told him “ he then tells her that she must not create a battle between them regarding the religion because he can rectify this easy as he has many Muslim friends in Iraq who can teach him what he needs to know. This news made her very happy and then continued by asking him what it is that he would like a relationship to be.” well I am a warrior and believe that it’s the mans duty to take care of his woman and kids while the man goes out to work and give his family all the comforts in this world”. Sharazaan loved his answer and completed his sentence by saying “I believe that it’s the woman’s role to work side by side to her partner heading into one direction together but separately as it is two individuals with different functions. The man taking care of the financial side of the home and the woman the emotional side. he immediately responded with “Oh my God I think I found my life Partner and I can never let go of you now” they both start laughing and seem closer than ever before because sharazaan wanted the kind of man that he has just described himself to be and he too felt that she is his match.

Sharazan found herself in a situation she thought was not possible as she was developing feelings for Lionel and Abdullah seemed far from her thoughts at this moment. She needed to know more and more about this intriguing, handsome man. She then continues by asking him “Lionel tell me what are you doing in Baghdad, it is a dangerous place. “I am a security advisor for a contracting company in Iraq and have been here one year already.” “oh, what do you mean by security advisor “she asked, “Well I am native American and have been hired to protect the foreigners who enter the country and to train the new Iraqi military” Sharazan totally shocked stood up away from her computer and screamed out “oh my God what have I done, how could I feel the way I do for a man who is the enemy of my beloved and his country. Her pause brought great confusion to Lionel who asked her what the problem was, she could not respond as her hands became numb from confusion as to how fate could play with her heart in this manner. Her first respond was to log off and forget she ever chatted with him but then he might go out and hurt someone from anger as the state of the war makes people aggressive and she did not want to be the cause of anyone getting hurt because of her . He responded to her by telling her that she should give him a chance to explain himself before she grew any conclusion about him. She then agrees as it would be fair to give him that chance.

He then asked her what the problem is and she tells him that she is Muslim and he is American. He is the enemy to her faith and beliefs and cannot continue with the chats anymore. He then start telling her “Sharazan I am American and I fight for my country because it’s my duty, I do not belong here in Iraq but I must follow my orders it is not options given to me but orders. I also do not believe in religion because of the situation we find ourselves in right now , I will not accept religion to keep us apart and I will do anything to keep us together. She then responds by asking him what he thinks he can do to rectify the battle they find themselves in right now. He then replies by telling her that according to the world who ever is Muslim become one nation irrespective of colour, culture and nation everyone is one. She then says “yes” that’s true. I have many Iraqi friends whom I train and I have seen the religion close by with its principles and I would love to become Muslim then not only for you but also as a way of life for myself to start a new life with you and forget my life in the army that I have been in for the pass 8 years .These words took Sharazaan by surprise and fell in love more deeply for this man who will not give up on there new relationship She then tells him she will be with him based on the actuate of becoming a Muslim and not reject him because he is American..

They immediately start teaching each other as Sharazan herself starts seeking her religion more and they search different Islamic websites teaching each other of how to live with mankind and how to build a good Muslim home. By now Abdullah seems like a distant memory for Sharazaan, because her heart has been captured. What has turned out as a mission to have Abdullah close turned to having his enemy in her heart. Late one afternoon Lionel comes online and tells her that he has just become a new born person as he has been to the mosque and has become Muslim, She was elated and wished she could hug him to congratulate him. They were very proud of the progress they were making as a couple now. He starts telling her that he would like her as his life time partner and mother of his kids and he feels that life without her would be incomplete for him. He starts reciting verses from the Quraan and studies the Quraan every night before he goes to sleep.

Laith then tells her he is going on his last mission today and will not be available all day. She asks him what the mission is all about and he tells her that he is not at liberty to discuss the mission until it has been completed but he will tell her that it is in Basra and it will take 2 days to complete .He greets her hastily as they get there mission instructions on the spur of the moment and need to respond to it immediately. Hours go by and She sits and watches the latest TV news update. To her disbelief they announce the death of a family in Basra with pictures showing of the 3 year old and his sister covered in blood and his parents lay face down in there seats of there car, The announcement is that the American soldiers killed the Iraqi family because they refused to stop at a road block 11pm in the evening.Sharazan felt hurt, for those little kids who has become orphans at the hands of the American soldiers, and was very angry at the incident also.

Two days later Laith comes back online and instead of being elated she immediately asked him about the incident of the family killing. He then responded by “It is very difficult to make you understand the situation here in Iraq, we have to protect ourselves from many dangers , and when we stand next to cars it blows up , my best friend got blown up by a 5 year old child who had dynamite planted on his body and send into a crowd of American soldiers, when we have kids walk up to us we are so afraid cause ewe are humans too, and when these kids don’t stop when we tell them too we have to shoot cause we endanger our lives then , with regard to the family that got killed , we asked them to stop but they continued driving we thought it was the insurgents with a car bomb and had no alternative to shoot the occupants as the car was very close to the army base .we had to react and believe me when we saw that they were innocent people and there little kids were left orphaned our hearts bled with them cause many of the soldiers there were parents too and knew what it felt like having a little child cry for his parents, The situations in Iraq makes the hardest of soldiers melt but we need to be strong to protect ourselves .If there own people did not make it so hard by attacking us then we would not protect ourselves so brutally. I hope you understand our situation this is War and in war there is no right and wrong its kill or be killed.”

She tries to understand and responded by saying “to me it seems like there is no right nor wrong in the thinking what either army is doing I only feel that it would ease the problem if the Americans moved out of Iraq and allow the people of the land to sort out there differences. Too many cooks will only spoil the broth and the Iraqis alone know what’s best for them.” “You are right he tells her, but now can you tell me how much you missed me and love me …..Laughing out loudly, “Oh yes I missed you so much and I am happy that you back safely” she tells him,

“well My love it wont be long then you will see this face and be in my arms, so that I can make you my wife and we can live our happy life , I just cant wait , I am so happy “ he tells her

A few days go by and the elections in Iraq are drawing by closely and fiercely with all the car bombs and killings of the new Iraqi army by the people who feels they are betraying there country, Laith as he is known now to Sharazan starts making his preparations to leave Iraq to be with her on the 25th December 2004,He makes his departure date as soon as possible because its four weeks prior to the elections and after the elections they don’t know what might happen as the airports might be closed and the fighting spree among the Iraqi’s might increase. He cancels his work contract and purchase his ticket from Baghdad to Amman and then to Johannesburg. He sets his departure date for the 22nd December and they have a week to chat before they will be together forever. The time they chatted with each other was done more constructively than couples who are actually together because each feeling and each expression needed to be described in detail. they knew that had a love that was unbreakable as they covered each topic and discussed how to deal with conflict and nothing could possibly go wrong with this relationship or so they thought….there was one question She never asked him and was going to ask him as soon as he came online ,as soon as he was online she started with her Question “Laith , tell me now that you are a Muslim and you are American what will you do if they declare Jihad in Iraq while you are there , would you choose your country or our religion.” That was something that he never thought of “I can’t answer you as I have to do what I have to do when the situation arises” The conversation ended there and the lovers knew they were entering another complicated phase in there relationship but will deal with it when they are together they decided. The day has finally arrived and Laith is preparing himself to leave Baghdad .His heart is filled with joy and happiness and tells her that ifs it’s a sin to be as happy as he is then he must be burning in hell already. He connects one last time to the internet to greet Sharazaan and to conclude there online relationship before they meet in 2 days time. He says to her “My love you are my destiny, my fate and my life. No sky’s nor earth can ever keep us apart so have faith that I will be in your arms in the next two days no matter what happens cause I am a warrior and I never leave a mission incomplete.” She then says to him” I love you Laith and I can’t wait to be in your arms in the next two days.’ He responded to her “My love I don’t love you but I will die for you” those words sliced through her heart like a hot knife because those are the feelings Abdullah had for her. And she started feeling like she has betrayed him and his love for her but she also knew that he could never leave his country but the American could. He greets her and they both are overjoyed that this is there last online conversation before being in each others arms soon.

Two hours go by and she prays Laith is safe because he has to use the most dangerous road in Baghdad, the only one leading to the airport. Her faith is strong that nothing will keep them apart. With that thought an announcement comes onto the television that a suicide bomber has infiltrated an American army base in Mosul 21 soldiers had been killed and the Islamic extremist group has taken responsibility for the attack and with it has declared the war in Iraq as JIHAD, meaning that all Muslims should stand together and fight the infidels of Iraq who was the American army .Sharazan’s fell to her knees and started sobbing as she knew her world has just fallen apart.

Her thoughts were with both the men she loved, both in a war and both that loved her dearly enough to die for her. She needed to know what Laith has chosen His country or THEIR religion, She needed to know what Abdullah is going to do, will he join the jihad, All these questions and yet no one was able to answer her, What will the two men do will they be fighting against each other or side by side , that was her concern now , and begged to God not to put them against each other rather side by side. Her prayers had to be for both even if it was in opposite directions. All communications were cut off now as the military considered it a breach of security to have contact with the outside world ,The bombings against the Americans became very intense and all the Iraqi men that were being trained by them for the military were being ambushed and all that had contact with the American soldiers became targets .More and more the violence before the elections intensified Her worst nightmare came true and that was that he chose his country because by now he would have made contact with her but he felt he would let her down and “silence is Golden” .All she could think of was that there is two men in a war fighting against each other not knowing they have one thing in common and that is that they love the same one whom is many miles away from them ,who they have never met and yet there love for her is enough to let then die for her. To them the one they loved gave them hope for tomorrow and taught them that the power of love has no boundaries except that which man has created by themselves.

All this was to painful for her and she knew that she could never except either being dead and would rather find it in her heart to live with there loving memory than to know that either one got killed by the hand of the one she loved. She decide to not know what the fate was for both of them and moved away to another city where no one could find her, She knew with time that her heart will heal and she will find love again amongst the millions of people on this earth. Never knowing till this day who survived or who died……….

Chapter 2

Two years went by and Sharazaan has still not erased the memories of the two men and not knowing what really happened to them made life just unbearable for her move on.She then decided after much anticipation to visit the country and to see the landmarks that was so well spoken of by her two men she held so dearly in her heart .Her flight to Iraq was going to be the closure of which she needed so much in order to move on in her life as those memeories lingered on in her mind constantly.The flight to Iraq was the most crieling experience for her as she got closer to Bagdad airport because all the pass memories came streaming into her mind.She prayed constantly that she would leave iraq with answers and when she eventually landed at the airport her cab driver by the name of Ahmed was waiting to escort her to the hotel she was staying.Driving down the road that was once considered the most dangerous road to travel on brought flash back memeories of the stories Laith told her about and when she arrived at the hotel Memories of the war still lingered as the country was not fully restored and the cracks and broken hummers could still be found where the war once took place.She then asked her very helpful cab driver to be her guide in Baghdad. He was a pleasant man who was very proud to be an Iraqi and very willing to be her guide.He started showing her the landmarks which once was and all that was left was cracked buildings. She wanted to see where the place was that was called the green zone. They then took a drive north of Baghdad to the place where laith said he was living called the Taji Camp. Many buildings was build on this vast piece of land that was once the quarters of the army and Iraqi soldiers who was trained by the American soldiers.At the time they lived in Tents and now it was a full city.Bagdad was everything Laith described it to be and more.He was very taken with the Iraqi culture and found being muslim easy as they took him on as a friend irrespective of what people thought about the muslims and iraqi’s at the time some did however create bonds across there cultural and religious differences.There were times when Laith told her that he could not be online for days and she sometimes suspected him of lieing only to find out now that when an American soldier was killed they would shut down all communications so that the next of kin could be notified respectfully and then the network system would be placed on again.All her Questions would be answered day by day.A few days later Ahmed says he needs to attend a family function in Mosul and immediately She asked him if it would be possible that she accompany him. He respectfully agreed that she may .They set off to Mosul and being a 4 hour drive She then starts telling Ahmed her true reason for visiting Iraq, the journey seemed shorter as the two were so engrossed in her tale .He then agrees to help her find Abdullah who lives in Mosul and feeling excited and scared with the outcome she thanks him .The following day they set off to the Net café that Abdullah spoke about in Arabia street, It was a bust street and many people wondered around .There were more than one net café and they walked thru each one trying to get a glimse of the environment that Abdullah spoke from .In her heart she was hoping that he would be sitting in one of them but that was no so .She walked around aimlessly and Ahmed trying to keep her spirits up as he could feel her pain as they looked for the man that once could not live without her.In the evening Ahmed says that they have been invited to his family home for a dinner party and that he would like her to met some Iraqi people in the home environment which she agrees too.At the dinner function she felt at home, they were very welcoming and she felt at ease immediately because of there hospitality.There cooking was different from what she knew but very delicious , the way they all interacted with each other made her think that the world could learn something from the Iraqi family life.One of Ahmed cousins then approached her and asked her about her country because she heard many stories about South Africa.They chatted for hours and then it was time to leave,they became good friends and she invited her over for supper the following evening to her home.A very interesting encounter was also made with a man by the name of Adam,He was very handsome and had the most mysteriuos eyes. He was a soldier who fought in the path of the religion. It was the first time sharazaan met a man of this calibar and wanted to listen to all his war stories imprinted in his mind.Sharazaan was very curious to know what he had to say. and he continued .Well it was in a camp called Taji north of Baghdad ,Where I met a few soldiers being trained by the Americans but these men were not betraying Iraq as they were infiltrating the base to learn the procedures and monitor the activities of the army being trained..What I found out was that there was a native American guy who has fallen inlove with a muslim girl and he then became muslim.I found this situation very strange as this man started reading the Quraan and had a great insight of Islam but he was still on the enemy side and I could not befriend him as he was carrying out orders from the wrong side.I looked at this man and thought to myself ,,you make a perfect muslim and you are such a great warrior,its unfortunate that we fighting against each other.Sharazaan then went cold as she knew he was talking about laith the man she was searching for ,She then asked Adam if he knows what happened to this man and he said “The last time I heard he was moved from taji camp to Mosul to help stabilize the situation as he was also part of the special forces for eight years and they needed well experienced trained men to handle Fallujah.Sharazan knew in her heart that Laith was no more in this world cause no American survives Fallujah as the army in Fallujah was not one but many armies joined into one fighting the American forces. Sharazan had two more days left in Iraq and agreed to meet her the next evening as she wanted to do some shopping the last day before her departure back to South Africa.The next day she told Ahmed how grateful she is that she met him and thanked him for being her tour guide as he showed her many places that she would not have known about especially the way of life of the Iraqi people.She then decide to put all her sorrows aside and leave her pass memories and create new ones in the new Iraq.They started enjoying the sights and laughed about many things creating new memories.Then evening arrived and She dressed like all Iraqi woman in a black cloak and covered her face for her dinner at Fatima’s home.It was a 3 level apartment and as she entered Fatima’s home you could feel the warmth of the people living in it.As she entered the home she was greeted by a toddler who was one years old still in her walking ring and giggling at this new lady who has entered there home.Fatima greeted her and said “Welcome ,Welcome please do come in and sit down.I asked her who lives with her and she said it is herself ,husband and baby.I asked her where her husband was and she said he is at work but will join them very soon as soon as his work is done.They had there dinner which she prepared and laughed all evening about kids and life.She then told Sharazan she is married to a wonderful man and that the Almighty has blessed her with a good life now. Sharazan then asked her if it was possible to use her internet to notify her family that she was safe and secure.Fatima then took her to there computer in there lounge and logged it on for her.She then started emailing her family and friends notifying her of her whereabouts and of her return in one days time.As she was about to log off from there computer she noticed an icon of a website she used two years ago and clicked on the icon to see what it was .To her amazement it was a song which she once send to Abdullah on the last day of there chat.It was a song which said “I wanna grow old with you,I wanna die lying in your arms,I wanna be looking in your eyes,I wanna be there for you sharing everything you do , I wanna grow old with you.She then asked herself why an Iraqi man would listen to an English song like this as they only listened to Arabic songs.Then she called Ahmed and told him to ask Fatima a picture of her husband as they were leaving soon and wanted to know who her husband was. She immediately fetched a picture and to her dismay she found Abdullah. She was not sure whether to laugh nor cry cause now he is a married man with a child. She looked at Ahmed and said what do I do now I cant think now.He said to her do what is right for you and for him.A silence which spoke a thousand words went through her mind.She then stood up and asked her if she told her husband that they will be having guest tonight and she replied yes and she is expecting him home any min soon.Sharazaan then replied by saying that she is exhausted and thanked her for her hospitality and friendship and wished her a long and happy marriage .As Sharazaan left the corner Abdullah reached his home.His wife then told him of the wonderful guest that has left and handed him a gift that Sharazan left for him.A little note which only he could read as his wife could not read nor understand English and on the note it said” Go to your computer and play the song I send you Two years ago “I wanna grow old with you” and I have left my picture for you to remember the love you once loved.Abdullah went cold and he became so anxious and asked his wife when they left .She told him a few minutes ago .He stormed out of his home running down the road hoping to catch up with Ahmed and Sharazaan.As Sharazaan was walking Ahmed asked her what she was thinking and going to do now that she found Abdullah.her reply was I am very happy to know he is alive and I am happy that he went on with his life.He married a beautiful and wonderful person they have a child and That was done at the will of God ,it is not for me to interfere now I have to move on and I can do that now because I know he is happy too.Suddenly Sharazan heard her name being screamed out loudly from behind her.As she turned around to see who it was her eyes could not believe that it was Abdullah,He was tall and good looking just as she remembered him and he walked up slowly to her both of them staring deeply into each others eyes and the world around them came to a standstill as the two past lovers finally got to meet,the love that was once felt in there hearts all came back in a rush and as they got closer none was sure how to react,they stood 1 cm apart and started touching each others faces for the first time not taking there eyes off each other for a moment.My love he whispered and in return she said I found you ,I found you and with those words they embraced each other crying intensely.Finding it hard to let go from the embrace they started saying all the things they wanted to say in 5 minutes holding each other .Declaring how much they missed each other,How each day that passed without being together felt like a life time,how they never stopped wondering what happened to each other.Abdullah then walked back with Sharazan to the hotel so that they could chat and speak about themselves.All the emotions that was felt two years ago came rushing back into there hearts as if they were never apart the souls finally felt rested as there bodies were finally together.The hearts and souls that was once apart fused into one.Happiness radiated from the two who has once lost each other and has once again found it.Abdullah being married was all forgotten in these moments as they resurrected there feelings for each other.Holding each other tightly and too scared to let go they walked to the hotel ,Ahmed at that stage gave them the privacy they needed.As they entered the room all that they would say in chat was said in there touch.The time that went by made there love for each other so much stronger that all they could feel was to grow old together and share in everything that each other did.The thousand miles was gone and they had each other eventually .A dream that was once impossible was all too real .They spend the night together chatting trying to make up for the lost time they had.When morning arrived both was not sure what the next move should be.She needed to return to South Africa and he needed to return to his family.They sat at the breakfast table not uttering a word and the silence was killing both because no one was sure what to say or to do.Then Sharazaan said “My love you are everything I dreamed you would be our meeting was explosive and my heart is content as I finally had my moment with you .Abdullah then responded .You were my life and you have brought my heart to me.They stood up held each other tightly both now knowing what they have to do as in there words they have spoken there intentions as to what has to happen now.looking at each other they kissed smiled and walked holding hands to the awaiting car.Sharazan says to Abdullah “ Thankyou my love you have completed my search and I can leave dignified knowing you are happy and have made my life so much happier knowing that we will always be forever in each others hearts .Abdullah took both his hands on her face and kissed her forehead and said I am always here for you when ever you need me and thankyou for understanding my situation as I love you but I have made my commitment to Fatima who is the mother of my child now,Looking deeply into each others eyes they said there final goodbyes and knowing they both can continue as they have made there final tributes to a love they once had.As the car disappears down the road they both smile to each other as they have reached contentment in there lives now.Sharazaan boards her plane feeling relieved that the mission she came on was finally completed.As she sat down on her seat on board the plane a gentleman besides her comments that she looks like someone who Has found her lost puppy.She looked at him and said “no” I have found my injured bird ,healed it and set it free cause I know that is where his happiness lies now.Within her heart the memories of Laith will live on and when she looks around her she sees the beauty of this world staring back at her.Chapter 2Days and months has passed and Sharazaan had finally been able to pick up the pieces of her life. She studied a Public Relations Course as she was very good in communicating with people and had the flair to deal with people of all ages and cultures. Her first assignment was with a French embassy who needed her to arrange a conference for thirty people and she accomplished her task 100%.Her Superiors was so impressed that they decided to give her all the diplomatic projects as she understood the importance of governmental relations and the effects of keeping the relations of countries in good communications. Her private life became second best and her focus was only on her work and being the best in her field. The best part of her work was meeting diplomats of all countries and inter-acting as an ambassador for her country. She became well known for her expertise in arranging great connections for the powerful men that lead there countries.On a beautiful summer day an email arrived from the Foreign Affairs of the South African Government. She is needed to arrange an official Diplomatic function inviting all the heads of states in the world to discuss the signing of a Trade Treaty making South Africa the head of the Trade Agreement. This was going to be her biggest projects and she needed to employ the best man power to show case this event. Immediately she started calling around all the best project managers and the best venues available. There was only two months for her to arrange the greatest event Johannesburg would ever know. Her venue was the Sandton Convention Centre Located in the prestige’s area of Sandt , Johannesburg. It boasts the best Hotels nearby which could be used for the important guests that would be arriving and the best restaurants was called in to host the Foreign guests with there finest food. With only a few problems that came in, Sharazaan was able to arrange everything and then the D-day arrived .As the limousines which was all hired arrived at the airport lining up to pick –up the foreign guest and drive them to there hotels , security was all in place Sharazan did a double check at the convention centre to see that all the seating was in place for there dinner gala which was going to take place after there conference the same day With the conference taking place the caterers was busy preparing the feast for the evening .Sharazan decided to take a breather and have her hair done and fit on the gala evening gown which she will be wearing for the dinner event.As the night started to set in The Diplomats started there final signing and moved over to the dinner room adjacent to the conference room Sharazan checked in on the caterers that all the food was well prepared , name tags were all in order and that the settings of the tables were all set as planned. She looked around with her hair all well set up in a bun and her black evening gown and took a long sigh and said to herself “I did it, this is going to be a memorable evening, one that will change our lives in South Africa forever”.The dinner room started to fill up slowly, people sipping on there cocktails and chatting about the days event, one which will be marked down in the history of South Africa. With everyone seated down and the President, Thabo Mbeki welcoming everyone to the dinner and cracking a joke or two with his guest after a long and tiring day , everyone started on the delicious feast prepared for them. Sharazan mingled among the many people not being able to remember any names as it all sounded so f foreign to her. As she walked across to the dessert table to choose her favourite dessert chocolate brownies and cream a gentleman was standing beside her and could not decide which to choose off the dessert table ,She smiled and said “Sir , may I help you make the choice.” Astonished at her remark he looked up at her and said “please Mam I think the choice from a beautiful woman would really make my task easy” “Well I would recommend the chocolate brownies but that is my choice if you like chocolate then we also have the malva pudding with custard which is very good too” He paused at the malva pudding and then looked at her once more and said to her” I think I will have what you having cause you seem like a lady that knows what is best” She smiled and lifted a plate up for him and said “Only a true man understands the depth of life in allowing a woman to choose for him” He smiled and asked her what her name was and she said “Sharazaan” and your name Sir , “Faizal” he replied. “ are you alone here Sharazaan” “yes, I am and you?” Oh yes I am also alone, so lets share a table to have our dessert if you don’t mind” “ Sure , why not “ with her shy smile she responded. They walked across to the nearest table they could find and seated down facing each other almost wanting to let the other know with there body language that they find each other attractive and interesting. As they munched into there dessert Faisal tells her that the choice of dessert lived up to his expectations. His exact words to her was “this dessert is as delicate in taste and as sweet as the person sitting beside me” Sharazaan could not find a witty answer to reply as her faced turned redder as the overlay on the tables. All she could say was “you are too kind in words”.A gentleman walks across to Faisal nudging his head to the side as to tell him to move up towards him .He nods his head back and asked to be excused for a moment. He returns and tells her that he has to leave to make an urgent conference call to his country but would return as his night will not be complete if he does not have a dance with her tonight. She obliges that she will be waiting patiently for his return. He speedily walks out of the room and she returns to her work mates to make sure everything is still running smoothly. Twenty minutes go by and Shrazaan starts to wonder if the man that she briskly met will return as he had her smiling even after his departure from her. Then from behind her a little voice whispered in her ear “ I am back for my dance with my Queen” She turns around and it was Faisal. They walked onto the dance floor to the music of Miriam Makeba and Zenzi Lee and jazzed as if they had danced many nights before, There was an aura that the two gave off in the room which had the guests staring. They felt as if they were the only two people in the room and felt at ease in each others arms as if they were meant to be placed together for the evening. The music then went silent and everyone returned to there seats for the closing message from Guest of Honour and a great man Nelson Mandela. As he walked on to the stage with his two assistants on each side he stood in front of the pendulum and thanked everyone for coming and then announced he would especially like to thank and wish the new appointed man of his country to close the evening off. “I would like to call a man who has a great task ahead of him and that he should know the world has faith in him that he will lead his country to peace and harmony and restore it back to its glory like it was known before it was ripped apart, that man is Faisal the new king of Iraq” With this moment Faisal stood up squeezed Sharazans hand gently as he stood up and walked to the stage .This was a moment Sharazan’s heart missed a few beats and all she could do was stand in awe as she watched the man she was spending the evening with walk a few steps away from her and she could not believe she was in the arms of the king of Iraq, a country she have had many encounters with and now the head of it was wooing her off her feet. He smiled at her from the stage and said “ thank you South Africa for all your good wishes and for having faith in all that I am going to do for my people in Iraq, I also want you to know that you should not be surprised if the Queen who will help me lead my people come from your land , Thankyou” he smiled and with everyone standing up and clapping there hands he steps off the stage and straight to the table Sharazan is seated , still in a sense of disbelief he takes her hand and lifts her up until she is standing in front of him face to face and says to her” I hope that who I am does not scare you off, all I know is that you have modified my heart and it is now set on making you the queen of my land. With your beauty and knowledge I feel that you can hep me lead my country to the stages where it belongs” Sharazaan looks at him and says “ I am only Cinderella here I am not a diplomat nor do you know me “ “You are from a land which hails the greatest man on earth Mr.Nelson Mandela and being under his leadership you understand the feelings of a changing nation which my country need now to heal, that is what I know and my heart has lead me to great discoveries before but never did it lead me to a woman who can creep in and now I have discovered you and I will and I am going to seize it now, if you can find it in your heart to oblige.we can learn to love and know each other within our marriage” Without another hesitation Sharazan said “yes , yes I do oblige Sir” “ He hugs her and laughingly says “ My love I am Faisal to you” He takes her hand and walks out to the foyer of the centre with his body guards walking behind them , and says I will have you fetched at your place in the morning so that we can discuss the protocols of what should happen from now, and remember you are from this moment the property of Iraq” He assigns a driver to take her home to do the necessary arrangements for her departure and through all this she does not realize what is happening as it is happening all so fast her life is not in her control and decisions are made all so fast something she is not used to.As she walked up to her front door she could not believe how the evening turned out and it all seemed like a dream. She had to pinch herself to see if she was awake.She had to get her mind thinking straight and started thinking of her next move.Well first I have to realise that I belong to a man whom I met a few minutes and am I ready to commit ? she thought .”well I am , hell I am and to think I will belong to someone from the country which I felt so dearly of., I am going to be the Queen of the people whom I had in my heart .” with that conclusion she was ready to make her move .Morning could not arrive soon enough as she could not sleep all night and tossed and turned in her bed from anxiousness.The first ray of sunlight dawned on the new day , a new beginning of an end of heartache has arrived for her. The doorbell rang and it was her escort to take her to the man in her new life and the beginning of her new life.As she arrived at the hotel and walked to faisal who was waiting for her patiently , they embraced and he asked her “how are you feeling my love” she shyly expressed “ I am nervous and happy to be with you again> “ Well don’t be nervous I am by your side “ Kissed her forehead and lead her to his room where his bags were all ready for the departure.”I did not know what to pack and for how long” she told him “ We will see as the time goes what we will need to do , all I know is that I cant leave without you now”.As they sat in the aeroplane Sharazaan looked back as the plane departed Johannesburg International airport she looked back and wondered what the future holds for her now , now that she is leaving her life behind in South Africa.On board Faisal discussed with her what life would be for her and what would be expected of her as Iraq’s new queen , he also discussed that the announcement of the engagement will be announced as soon as they arrive and she must be ready with answers which the press will confront her with but she does not have to be nervous because if she is confronted with any questions that she cant answer then there public relations officer will immediately reroute the questions and save her from any situation that she feels uncomfortable with .The pilot announces that landing will take place in the next five minutes everyone needs to buckle up. Sharazan kept in her mind that she should not embarrass the king and she must prove it to him and herself that she is capable of doing what is expected of her as all the focus will be on her. The doors of the plane opens and she takes a deep breath and grips Faisals hand. As the embark flashes of the media are all focused on the pair. The security guards lead them straight to there awaiting cars and to the palace. At the palace there was reporters and television crew awaiting the kings announcement .He walks into the room that was set up to make the announcement to his country.Sharazaan is seated next to him and he announces that he has decided to wed and the lady is from South Africa , he also told his people that he hope they will be happy with his choice of wife as he is very happy.He turns to Sharazaan and says this is the new queen of Iraq.At that moment everyone started cheering and from outside gun shots could be heard from the elated crown representing there joy and happiness for the royal pair.The reporters then asked Faisal if they could speak to Sharazaan and he looked at her and she nodded her head as approval.”Yes , sure go ahead” The first reporter asked her” Mam now that you are going to be the new queen of Iraq will you be revoking your citizenship as a south African “ Sharazaan replies,” I am who I am and that is south African , I will not revoke my citizenship of south Africa as I became who I am today because of my country but my loyalty will be with my husband and since he is Iraqi I will respect and pledge my alleges to him and his country , as I believe that one should be loyal to the country that feeds and defend you , and since I will be living on Iraqi soil then this will be my home that will receive my loyalty.” “Thank you mam” says the reporter. The public relations officer then points to a gentleman at the back , “you may ask your question , sir” “ Mam , could you please tell us what can you offer the people of Iraq as there new Queen” Sharazaan took a moment and then looked around the room and continued.” As you all know My country went through a change of government also and we had the greatest leader in the world Mr. Nelson Mandela who made it all possible for us to make the change with peace, as a citizen we knew what we needed and our government reinforced the system which gives me an advantage from that back ground to help and heal the people of Iraq as I can give the insight to the king as to what the feelings of people would be on grassroots.” “Thank you Mam” the Public relations officer then announces “we have time for one more Question, David you can take the last one “ “ My question is to the king , can you please tell us when will the wedding take place and where” “we have decided it will take place two months from now on the 27th January , the official function will take place in Baghdad but we will also have a ceremony before that in South Africa to officially bind the two countries, Oh and before I forget I have something to give Sharazaan” he places his hand in his pocket and takes out a blue box and it it he takes out a platinum ring with an arctic blue zone placed in the middle. He takes her hand into his and places the exquisite stone on the finger and shows it the media, He then tells them “ I had the gemstone of africa placed into the setting of the shape of the Iraqi country , which by the way is the shape of the heart.” The ring was remarkable and so symbolic of there love, a stone of Africa in the shape of the map of Iraq which happens to be a heart,after that they are ushered away from the media into the private quarters.The king looks at Sharazaan and says to her "my love you handled the media well, you are born to be queen, I thought you were going to stumble with the answers but you have proved to me and the people of Iraq that they are in good hands” “ Thank you Faisal I needed to hear that from you , as your vote of confidence will help me through all this” Faisal decided to show her the palace and its surroundings. The palace was beautiful inside still under renovations and restorations. "Show me our room , she said excitedly” Faisal hysterically laughed at her , and said to her “That is why I love you , you are so natural and know when to be diplomatic and also when to show me your natural self which I adore, but come lets go upstairs and see where we will have our privacy," They briskly walked into a large room which looked like a part of a movie setting all lush and romantic, “wow, is this our room “ she asked “yes, it is my love “ she runs towards the bed and throws herself onto the bed falling on her back hands stretched out freely and staring at the ceiling, Faisal still standing at the door, she looks up to him and says “ Don’t just stand there find the gps grids to the bed and land on it.” He smiles at her as if they were sixteen again and he too jumps onto the bed landing on his back both looking at the ceiling and she says to him , "My highness I am going to make you a very happy man from this day forth" "No may love" he responds “You have made me the happiest man already for me a moment spent with you would have been enough and since I have more than that now I consider this all a bonus and a treasure, I want us to live each moment of our lives as if it’s the last and that way we know not a moment of our love is ever lost, promise me this please my love”"I do not promise it , I pledge it to you my highness” he kisses her forehead and says to her “ Inshallah we will grow old together in love” “Yep we will but young in spirit I hope “and she giggles as he stands up to straighten his clothes and get ready for dinner.At the dinner table Faisal tells her that this is the first and last time that they will have such a restful day as from tomorrow there schedules fall into place and they will be expected to take the course of action as the rulers again .Even though they were not officially married she is still expected to attend the functions as the future royal. The next day it was early rise for the couple, starting with morning prayers and breakfast and off they went to attend an opening of the new wing of the hospital for children. People liked Sharazaan as she had a way of inviting people into her space without feeling crowded , the kids loved her as she would touch them with her hand and the touch would come from her heart extending a healing effect. The elderly would praise her and tell her to make sure there king is kept happy to lead them to prosperity. She would always reassure them that she is devoted to him and would exchange her life for his safety.”A wife could not love her husband more than that ,I am proud of our king for choosing a woman of this calibre as his wife” an old lady commented.The months passed and Sharazaan became more adapted to her new way of life and then the big day of there wedding arrived . She flew to South Africa for the signing of there official marriage as she wanted her marriage to be official in South African law too. A reception was made for the important people of South Africa to attend at the Castle in Kylami, Johannesburg. two days later the couple flew to Iraq for the Reception for the country to witness, Sharazaan had her wedding gown made in Cape Town which was made to fit a queen. The streets were lined with people to witness there new royal couple and the media was all over to capture the moments and new era embarking on Iraq.Meetings, functions and all that was needed from the royal couple was handled with ease. Her task was made very easy with her acceptance by the Iraqi nation and a celebration of another kind came when an heir was announced by the couple a few months later by the name of Junaid. He was a bountiful little boy resembling his father. The royal couple was elated as they had everything in Gods will of goodness in there lives.Sharazaan now had to spend her time more in Iraq as she could not accompany her husband in foreign visits. This was much to her dismay because every second away from him brought anxiety to her as they were not accustomed to being apart. She had no options at the time as Junaid was much to young to travel.She then realised that she can accomplish what she has promised the people of Iraq and be there for them in her husbands absence.She started workshops to teach woman to become self sufficient while there husbands are away from home reconstructing there new country.She embarked on a campaign to have woman taught how to sew and export there goods to overseas companies, she arranged exhibitions to show case there goods and teach woman how to run there own businesses from there homes while still maintaining there households. She attended schools making sure that kids are in environments where they can see beauty and insisted that flowers imported from South Africa was given to homes and schools to bring back the nature. Her understanding was that nature and the environment has an impact on a persons thinking. A food campaign was set up on school so that each child receive a meal per day as there thinking ability will improve and no child will have the need to feel hunger. A draft was set up to create employment for men with families first as they are the ones who need to regain back there self confidence in order for the family unit to prosper. A bill of rights was set up to respect each others beliefs and allow everyone to practice there religion freely. Sharazaan played an important role in the family upliftment for the Iraqi people. Her husband was very proud of her and supported her in all her causes.Seven years went by and Iraq took on a different form. People started having hope for the future and goals were set by the young kids to become young professionals to lead there country. People were proud of there country and there new nation which was made up of all different religions and customs. A new flag was implemented representing all the sects and religions to give everyone a sense of belonging. Sharazaan and Faisal did exactly what they set out to do and that was to build up a new nation. Sharazaan started training Junaid to love the people and to listen and understand there needs even though he was only eight years old. She wanted his caring to be a way of life not just political. It was important to her that he felt poverty and see the effects it has on a mans thinking and would often ask a poor family to host him so that he could experience it , as she believed hardship can not be taught but can only be understood when lived through it and with these experiences solutions could be put into place much easier. Unlike other royals Sharazaan and Faisal did not believe in accumulating wealth as they believed it could not be taken with them to the grave but what they place in there people of Iraq’s heart would be a better wealth as it would grant them heaven.Early one morning on November the fourteenth the king was awaken by a telephone call telling him that an uprising is brewing and it looks like it is a third force from Iran as they are not happy with Iraq becoming an emerging country while they are not improving. Faisal called an urgent meeting to be updated as to what is happening. His head of security notified him that an assassination is planned to have him and Sharazaan killed as they are leading the country into a powerful country with its policies. Sharazaan started fearing for her sons life and request that he be taken to safety to her home country. Faisal asks her to leave too but she refuses as her place is beside her husband. She packs Junaids clothing and sits him down and says “ my baby you will have to leave as there is trouble in the country , mom loves you dearly and I want you to be brave now and understand every word I have to say to you , you have your life ahead of you and one day you will have your own family. I have lived my life and if I leave and something happens to your father then my heart will die cause I am his heart and he is mine , I will be of no good to you as you will have a body with no soul, so please allow me to live and die with the man I have pledged my life to,” Junaid held onto his mom and says ”mom I love you , you have taught me many things in life and I am honoured to have had you as my mom , I understand all that you have said and would be happy if I could have you by my side but I know that you and dad need and love each other dearly and out of my love for both of you I will accept to leave and respect your wishes to stand with dad till death. I pray that one day I will meet a woman who can love me as much as you love dad” they embrace and a security official fetches Junaid trying to release him from his moms clutches. Sharazaan on her knees holding her face in her hands filled with tears could not find it in her heart to look back at her son who is leaving the room , the palace, there country and her life.Junaid walks pass his father and says” Dad may God be with both of you, and please remember I am who I am today because I had honourable parents who gave me the greatest gift of love and undertstanding” Faisal hugged him and trying to be brave holds back his tears , and says to Junaid ”remember my son love is not about being with the person physically , when you love someone they remain in your heart and everything can be robbed from you but never can you be robbed of the ones you hold within your heart and that is where we all are in your heart and ours”. Junaid walks out with the security guard not knowing if he would ever see his parents again.Fiasal explains to Sharazaan what is happening and why as she could not understand what they did wrong.”My love its not what we did wrong it is what we did too right. Our people have become independent , the woman are doing businesses from there homes , the kids are enthusiastic about life and the men have reconstructed Iraq back to its glory , now the outsiders are feeling threatened that there countries are not succeeding as fast and have decided to stop us from leading them further into a powerful nation ”.Sharazaan starts sobbing hysterically telling Faisal she could never live without him and fears that it seems there end is near.””I wish you left with Junaid my love, as I could not live with myself if something happened to you” he tells her holding her tightly trying to stop her crying.”Don’t worry I have asked the best security advisors to protect us and they will be arriving shortly, "With Junaid gone they had to find a place to hide until they find out a way to eliminate the third force within there country.The foreign minister arrives and tells Faisal arrangements is made for them to hide in Arbil , where a security team will meet them and protect them until it is clear for them to return to Baghdad.. Sharazaan disguises herself with a black cloak and purdah and Faisal covers himself with a red scarf. They set off in the early morning after the morning prayers. It was a long enduring journey .and when they arrived at Arbil a team of 17 men awaited them. A man walks up to them and says “sir we have created a comfortable bungalow for you and her highness to live, the commander will be here shortly to brief you as to what we going to do."They are seated down , given clean clothing and some food to eat. Then they request Faisal to join the men in the adjacent room to discuss the plan, all the men are seated on the floor with a white board in front of them , a tall well build man walks in and says to Faisal” Your highness its an honour to meet you , I have lived all my life protecting the land that you love and now I will protect your life and reassure you that no harm will come to you nor to the Queen” “ I heard that you the greatest commander Iraq has ever known , and you have protected us with many of your missions , I have faith in you that you will keep us safe” Faisal tells him. Sharazaan could hear the conversations from next door, and was pleased to hear that they have the best commander to protect them and return her to her son again. “Well Sir , I have made arrangements to have you taken to Syria for safety , I have people who will take you over the borders until the third force is eliminated, we have found there hideout in Mosul , we are just waiting until they gather together so that we can capture them all at once.Faisal was pleased to hear that there ordeal wont be for too long. As the security men stand up to leave the room , Faisal asks to speak to the commander alone.”Yes sir what can I do for you” he asked. “”well , I wanted to ask you , why would such a handsome man give his life to his country and king the way you do ?” he looks at Faisal hesitating to answer , looks down onto the floor and then looks him in the eye and replied “ I believed in and loved a great woman once upon a time, and because I knew I could never be with her , the only thing I could do was to love and fight for what she started to believe in too.”Faisal was very confused with his words and decided that this was not the right time and nudged his shoulder and walked out of the room .Sharazaan on the other hand understood every word from the other room and stood up and walked in .Looked at the commander and said to him” Why could you not be with me , you knew I loved you” there eyes met and both filled with tears he says to her “ when I spoke to you online I told you I was native American at that time I did not know we were going to fall inlove and I had too much pride to tell you I had nothing to offer you as you were living in a world far advance for us and you had the freedom to live your life as you pleased , how could I take you away from all that, to live the way I do, but I never stopped loving you because you are my heart if I stopped loving you my heart would stop functioning , and when I saw you marry our king I knew the only way to continue my love for you would be to make sure no harm ever came to you, That is how I pledge my love to you my queen”” Thank you Laith, just knowing that you have been there for me all this years makes me very happy, I just wished you had told me the truth as you can see I am not a materialistc person , I love people for who they are not for what they have, but I am grateful that its you that is keeping us safe as I know now I am in good hands, the king is my life now and please protect him from all harm” She walks out to Faisal hugs him and says “my love do not fear I have all faith in the commander he will protect us with his life , that I am certain of. ”She could not believe after all these years the man who she thought was American was actually Iraqi, she starts reminising of those days ,the days that made her love the land of Iraq and how she eventually did find love and happiness on its soil.The next morning every one is set to leave for the Syrian border to take them safely across .Laith plans the route and decides to drive the car in which Sharazzan must be transported. He suggests that Faisal and her drive separetly so that people do not notice them as a couple. The convoy heads off everyone is on alert., a few kilometres from the border, Sharazaan tells Laith ”You are a true warrior, we are honoured and privelidged to have had you born on this soil, I will never forget all that you stood for and what I have become from your inspiration” Laith looked at Sharazaan from his rear view mirror and replied” my queen if I lived a hundred times over I would still protect you and love you as if you were my own queen” they both paused and the silence between them spoke a thousand words, as the border approached Laith tells Sharazaan to get ready and cover her face. He gets out of his humvee and passes Faisals car to speak to the check point soldier. As he is about to hand over some documents a loud gun shot is heard , Laith turns around in shock and sees Faisal slumped in his car blood running down his face , he then realises that the driver of Faisals car was one of the third force members and as he sees the man rushing towards Sharazaan , Laith starts shooting and screaming , “protect the queen , for gods sake protect her” Laith being one of the best snipers, shoots the man down and rushes over to the car while the other men circles around the car to make sure no harm comes to her. Sharazaan can see the car before her where Faisal is in and all she can see is her husbands bloodied body sitting limp in the car with no movement .A guard walks over to check his body and returns to Laith who is holding the sobbing Sharazaan and says to them “ Sorry your highness he is dead” “ Oh no , Oh no this can not be Laith you promised , you promised you would protect him “ “ Laith became emotionless and knew he had to get her out of the car and over the border as he could not trust who else has infiltrated there camp. As he walks pass the dead body of the soldier he shot a voice came from it ”he turns around to look at the man he thought was dead , He then sees the man laying on the floor with a glock in his hand pointing to Sharazaan ‘s back as she walked ahead to the border post. He turns to look right at the man then left at Sharazaan and immediately runs trying to cover her back and screams “No, Sharazaan no” a loud bang is heard and another as the man is shot from one of Laiths men. Then the shocking discovery is made as they run up to Laith and Sharazaans body. Laith layed slumped over her as they pulled him off from her they found Sharazaan unharmed , she then places his head on her lap. and he looked at her and says to her “ My love this is how I always wanted it to end , I can say I loved a great woman and the last breath I took from this world was in her lap seeing her face last, I always told you I don’t love you but I will die for you , I ..” and there was a silence Sharazaan just felt numb and her mind went into shut down as if she did not want to see nor believe all that is happening at that moment .Without a tear or emotion she stood up and said “take me across the border I want to leave now. She entered Syria and was escorted to safety back to South Africa where Junaid was waiting for her , pleased to have his mom back and distraught to have heard he has lost his father. When Sharazaan arrived in South Africa the only words she ever spoke to Junaid was “your father was among many honourable men that came from Iraq, a land that bred men of honour and pride, I was very fortunate to have loved and unfortuanltely have lost too but in my heart they will all live until we meet in paradise again. Those were her last words ever spoken as from that moment her memory collapsed as her heart has lost all emotion to live , it was exactly as she said without her king her body would be seen but her soul would be with him in the heavens where it belongs. Junaid never returned to Iraq but stayed in South Africa to care for his mentally disabled mom until she died and took her place next to her husband the king of her heart and Iraq.
posted by Friend 5:19 PM 6 comments