Identifying "Players" And Red Flags (Compiled by a man Christian Carter)

Have you ever been mixed up with a "Player"?
One that seemed like a great guy at first, but turned out to be a complete different person?
Unfortunately, if you're like lots of women I know, then at some point you dated a guy who seemed great, but you didn't figure out what he was really about until it was too late.
And you had already become emotionally and physically involved with a guy who wasn't really in it with you for the right reasons.
He just wanted to "hook up" and play around.
How come these awful and painful situations happen to so many women over and over?
Is it because men just dont understand the hurt they put woman thru?
Or is there a way a woman can learn to spot some of the "red flags" in a man before she gets too involved?
Let me answer those questions by first talking about what a Player is, why he's not into anything "real"... and how to avoid getting "lured in" by these kinds of men in the first place...

HOW PLAYERS HOOK YOU IN
The scenario with a Player usually goes a little something like this:
You're out with your girlfriends and you spot a really attractive guy checking you out from across the room.
You both make eye contact and he heads over to you and he immediately says something like:
"I usually don't this, but you're the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long time, and I just HAD to talk to you."
He may offer to buy you a drink. He may say something funny or sarcastic.
And you're disarmed by his looks, his confidence and charm, and in the back of your mind you wonder if he's a little too good to be true.
You know you should hold back a little and you wonder who this guy REALLY IS, but you just can't seem to help yourself...
Next thing you know, you feel that rush of excitement and anticipation the more you talk and laugh together, and by the end of the evening he may even casually ask if he can come over and "hang out" a bit longer with you.
Or just grab a drink and keep "talking".
You hardly hesitate before saying yes.
In your mind, inviting him back to your place seems completely OK... even though you're NOT the kind of woman who does this sort of thing when you first meet a man.
But you're SURE that there's something DIFFERENT about this guy. And he assures you that he's a "good" guy and he's really into you - at least indirectly.
Which makes it O.K. Why shouldn't you enjoy the moment with this great guy you've just met?
And before you know it, you're back at his place or yours, and things get physical and you spend the night together.
But then it happens...
The next morning he seems a little different.
He's not so chatty and curious about you.
He's actually kind of quiet and withdrawn...
and you start getting that "gut feeling" that you may have made a TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
As he leaves he tells you that he'll DEFINITELY call you.
You want to believe him, but either he never calls you... or after a couple of random e-mails or calls or text messages, he stops calling altogether.
And it dawns on you...
This guy wasn't DIFFERENT.
He wasn't SPECIAL.
And he certainly wasn't going to be the love of your life.
This guy is a PLAYER!
You're so mad and embarrassed that you've been played AGAIN, it almost makes you want to give up on love altogether.
Lots of women in this situation become understandably frustrated, upset, and end up feeling and acting a little "weird" around men they meet after this happens.
Part of this is of course because, at a deeper level, they've lost TRUST in men.
Don't let what you don't know, and what you haven't been able to identify in men before when you've "dated" keep from allowing a great relationship to start and grow with the RIGHT MAN.

WHY MEN ACT LIKE PLAYERS AND ENJOY "THE GAME"
The SAD TRUTH is that some men view picking
up women as a sort of game.
They talk and brag about women with other men and describe the way they meet and attract women,
all to make themselves feel more significant and attractive or powerful as a man.
In some male circles, this can even be a sign of status and power.
Of course, this external "power" doesn't have any real meaning, and it's an immature way for a man
to feel better about himself and try and connect to the world.
But in reality, the Mr. Perfect Player DOESN'T
have the confidence and inner-strength you thought he did at first.
His "great job" is really a way for him to try and raise his self-esteem
And his air of confidence is part of the persona he puts on to try and get women interested
in him and fill his bed (instead of his heart and his mind).
So why do men like this do it?
Why do Players seem to lie, and how they can be so cruel, detached, and selfish?
Are they completely sick and twisted individuals?
Or do these "bad boys" have more in common
with your everyday male than you might care to know?

Player Type #1) The "Ego-Driven" Player These are the guys who want or need attention
from multiple women because it feeds their ego and makes them feel better about themselves. They aren't necessarily bad guys, and often develop deep connections with the women they're with... but they're shameless flirts that usually don' t know any better than to live their lives seeking approval and validation from lots of women. And the affection of a woman and sex is their ultimate form of getting approval. You'll find these guys constantly in and out of short "relationships", but never making any of them work out... because it's really all about them.

Player Type #2) The "Social" Player:
These are the guys who make a career out of
learning how to pick up women and it becomes
their favorite evening pastime. They're in it for
more of the challenge and experience than they
are for the actual "connection" with the women
they meet. You'll find them out partying all the
time, always going somewhere, always having a
woman to call, and never spending a night home
alone. These are the types who rarely, if ever,
have real girlfriends and relationships.

Player Type #3) The "Intimate" Player:
These guys are seeking something purely physical
from a woman, and don't have much else on their mind... but they mask it by being very friendly and loving when they're in the company of a woman.
But it isn't really love for them. They're often the most sensual and artistic types, and charm
women with their ability to be in touch with their feelings and their ability to make a woman
comfortable with intimate contact soon after they meet.
You'll find these guys dating lots of women
at one time and feeling no need to "commit," nor
seeing a reason to. They're very open one night, and casual and detached the next.
Do any of these jog your memory?I think every woman has met at least one or
two of these guys.
So why do intelligent, attractive and exciting women fall for jerks like these who are obviously
out for themselves?
And why is it hard for some women to see the signs of a Player coming before getting involved
with one?

WHY WOMEN FALL FOR PLAYERS
There's one word that answers why women so easily fall for the lines and find themselves
getting duped by these kind of men:
CHEMISTRY.
You could also call this "Connection".
Here's something you should know, that I
find FASCINATING...
Oftentimes, the men who AREN'T very caring, generous, patient, polite, considerate, etc., end
up attracting women with their not-so-sweet and charming ways.
I'm sure you've seen this with way too many of your girlfriends.
And maybe even with yourself. Why?
Well, the short explanation is this-

Attraction Secret #1: What makes a man attractive
to a woman, and creates that magic and intense
"spark" of chemistry, has NOTHING to do with
whether or not a man would make a great LONG-TERM PARTNER.
In other words... just because you can "feel
it" with a man and share an intense level of
Physical Attraction, it doesn't mean that you also
share what will make you great partners in a loving relationship.
For a man, Physical Attraction has very little to do with his "Emotional Brain."
A man can feel INTENSE Physical Attraction for a woman, and have an amazing connection with her... but experience little or no desire to get
into a deeper relationship.
This is where tons of women make a huge mistake that guarantees they have an impossible
time getting to know a man, and seeing if he's real "relationship material" from the start.

Attraction Secret #2: Not only does having
"chemistry" with a man have nothing to do with whether he'd make a great partner... but the
kinds of qualities that can make you FEEL ATTRACTED to a man can even be the very ones
that make for a BAD PARTNER. Fascinating.
I want you to think about this. The very nature of the "bad" qualities that
a man has can be the very things that make you feel ATTRACTION to him.
Of course, whenever women first hear me say this, they roll their eyes and say, "No way.
That's ridiculous!"
These are usually the women who are THE MOST GUILTY of being attracted to the wrong men because they're completely UNCONSCIOUS of the deeper "triggers" of attraction going on underneath the surface.
Let me give you an example with one of my
very favorite qualities that adds to attraction-
UNPREDICTABILITY.
There's a funny trick our mind plays on us
all the time, every day, which has to do with things that are predictable and unpredictable.
Since our minds have to process so much information, it often creates "shortcuts" and
groups the predictable behavior into one lump category, which are things that end up unnoticed
and are hard to remember in hindsight...But UNpredictable behavior makes us our minds
instantly take notice and whole set of intense feelings and emotions are triggered inside us.
Imagine how you would feel, for example, if you witnessed an airplane crash on your typical,
boring drive to work tomorrow morning. Would that be difficult to recall later?
I'm guessing you would probably relive that incident the entire day, and remember it for the
rest of your life.Unpredictable events often bring about feelings
of excitement, danger, anticipation, curiosity,
etc.
And guess what?
These are some of the same feelings we experience when we experience ATTRACTION and LOVE.
So here's where lots of women run into trouble in their love-lives...
What makes Players and Bad Boys intriguing and often exciting to be around has NOTHING to do with whether they'd make a good mate or partner.
They just act in a way that makes them SEEM exciting or different.
And in case that wasn't strange or frustrating enough for you, here's some more bad news...
While these Players are wasting your time with
their phony lines and empty promises, the men who ARE actually looking for a deeper connection or relationship are standing alone because they often
AREN'T as skilled or experienced at creating an initial connection with a woman the way a Player is.They don't know much about how to make a woman "feel it" when they first meet them... so they don't get noticed.They seem like "nice guys".
In other words, the "average" guy who still could be as loving, caring, fun and exciting as
any other man hasn't usually gone out and practiced his "approach" on a hundred women like
most lots of Players have.So he's not going to likely be the one who
makes you feel that intense instant chemistry...Which puts both him and you at a disadvantage.

HOW TO DEAL WITH PLAYERS
So... now that I've explained who the Players are and why they do it, you may be wondering,
"How can I tell a Player from a Good Guy who just happens to be attractive and likes to do
fun, exciting, unpredictable stuff?"
And..."How do I filter out the Players without becoming a jaded, bitchy woman who second-guesses everything good a man tries to do and say?"Having to always guess if a man's intentions are "true" or not is a real pain. But guess what?
These are the REALITIES of being a MATURE WOMAN who's seeking a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a MATURE MAN.And guess what else?
Anything besides a MATURE RELATIONSHIP is going to hurt and disappoint you.
Here's a common mistake women make at this stage that I want you to avoid at all costs:
A lot of women think that they can "save" or "convert" a player by simply showing him MORE
love and understanding... because they believe the guy just hasn't found the right kind of
love with the right woman... and that the "connection" they share is special and real.
If you care about yourself, and your sanity, don't kid yourself.
It's a hopeless cause with a man who doesn't have RELATIONSHIP on his mind..
You need a mature and loving PARTNER, not a PROJECT.
In fact, if you're serious about finding a man for a truly loving relationship... then I'd
suggest you find a man who is not only interested in a relationship, but has done lots of reading
and learning about "relationship" and "relationship dynamics" on his own.
These are the men who make it easy to share and grow with.
The truth is that a relationship is only as good as the people in it.
But if you're like lots of women, that doesn't stop you from choosing a man just because of the
way he can make you FEEL sometimes when things are at their best.
Of course, right now you might be thinking,"Come on, Christian, what's so wrong with
being optimistic? Aren't there always exceptions
to every rule?" This isn't just a matter of being optimistic,
this is being DELUSIONAL when you're dealing with a Player.
You can't fix a man, and you can't love and care enough FOR him to make it work for the both
of you. If you've ever found yourself "carrying" a relationship and doing all the "work" yourself,
while the man seems to just keep making the same mistakes over and over and doesn't grow... then guess what? YOU are one of the women living a inside a
pretend-relationship where you'll do anything to cover up the fact that who the man you're with really it isn't working for you. Which means... you are playing the role of"The Fixer" - aka "The Convincer." And where does that get you?
Nowhere, FAST. So am I'm saying that players NEVER, EVER settle down?
No... OCCASIONALLY some Players learn to drop the hustle and get involved in a serious
relationship. But it NEVER happens just because a woman, or
ANYONE for that matter, asks him or wants him to. It's because he makes his own mind up.
So how do you deal with a guy you suspect might be "playing" you?
The best tool a woman has against Players is the POWER of QUESTIONS.
Questions like,
"You're so cute. I'm just curious, are you
involved with anyone right now?" Or...
"What kind of experience are you looking for with a woman at this point in your life?"
Or... if a man has asked you out, you might be a little playful with him and ask:
"So why did you ask me out?"If the man you ask questions to is a genuinely
"Good Guy," he'll answer and address your questions and doubts with mature responses.
And he'll probably tell you some fascinatingand revealing things about himself. Especially
if you ask and listen in a way that seems simply and curious - not leading and judgmental.
And here's the fascinating part... he'll do this even if you've had other men act weird or
freak out when you asked these same questions.
Crazy, huh?
A Good Guy might even turn your questions into FUN and FLIRTATIOUS opportunities for
connection and growth point between you two. Of course, an immature man, or a man who
doesn't have his act together for a relationship,
will get pretty irritated or thrown off by these kinds of questions.
By learning how and when to ask the right questions, women are use to having those
frustrating "repeat relationships" that go nowhere learn how to get to the heart of the matter and recognize a Good Guy from a Player... and create a loving relationship that works with the right man.
There is Good men waiting for you to Buzz them....