Why do we need to be in love?
Why do we choose the partners that we fall in love with?
If we all had the answers I suppose we would all not Love at all.
With a few experiences and Research, we can teach ourselves to understand these complex emotions and learn how to manage these feelings in a loving and constructive way. We all try very hard to avoid hurt and pain but little do we know that those emotions bring out the hidden “agendas” within ourselves that is actually fighting to be released from our bodies and it takes certain people to draw it out of us. We might feel that they are responsible for our hurt and suffering but we do not realize at the time that no one can hurt something that is within you but yourself. Some might say He/She is responsible for hurting me but the reality is, He/she is not, he/she is part of your life but they cannot hold, control nor make you feel your value. You have to be responsible for your own heart, feelings and life. We make the mistake or we give other people the responsibility of taking care what is within ourselves who are irresponsible and then becomes very destructive to our well-being. If we made that choice of allowing other people to take care of our heart and feelings then how can we blame them for not taking care of it the way we would have ourselves. That is why when we are hurt and when we are disappointed we cannot say they hurt us, they broke our heart, they let us down, and we did that to ourselves by not taking care of ourselves.
Points on why people yearn to be in relationships, which is for all the wrong reasons.
1. Loneliness
2. pressure
3. Lust
4. Rebound
5. Trophy
6. Validation
7. Emotional Emptiness
Loneliness:
I consider loneliness the second killer after aids. Loneliness is all in the mind, we can be sitting in a crowd amongst our family, kids and friends that adore us but the loneliness cannot be erased. An example of loneliness and I am sure many can relate to this story is when you sitting at home all alone, you think back of your ex you then feel empty, your heart hurts and you remember the happy times, someone that made you feel special and then suddenly you will hear yourself saying “maybe I should call and tell him I miss him” it cant hurt, can it? Perhaps that relationship was for me ….
Another example : you on a date and she is not that attractive but what the heck it beats sitting at home alone, you finish your dinner and your thoughts are racing , as this lady is giving you signals that she likes you but you know she is not the one for you but she is filling a gap. You missed the closeness and she is providing it for you, so what if you decide to sleep with her, it does not mean you have to marry her, Right?
Take the first story, loneliness drove her to call her ex, he came over, cheered her up and slept with her, the next day when the loneliness period disappeared they found themselves back in the red zone and eventually had no option but to break all ties.
The second story He starts to feel comfortable with the idea of having someone around, she is in love with him, he only needs someone to fill his loneliness and eventually he marries her, A few months later after his heart and frame of mind is healed and stronger to be independent he finds himself in a miserable marriage because his needs are not met by her anymore. He leaves her and moves on.
Pressure
Woman have these pressures more than men do, they have to consider there age for child bearing, they have to consider there Looks and Body as time goes on. Men’s pressure comes mostly from being financially stable. We are pressured by our friends which are married but little do we know they actually envy us being single because we not the ones that need to rush to cook for our husbands , we can decide to go to the movies when it pleases us and there is no need to fill out leave forms to leave the house. Single people are always pressured to settle down because society has placed that “burden” on relationships.
Lust
Many people prolong toxic relationships because there partner is good in bed. People who have the tendency to confuse love with lust have the problem with having sexual encounters with many people without realizing that they have lost all value to themselves. It is not about Love but it is about wanting someone, no matter who it is as long as it is filled with a human. Someone that renders a service and makes you feel validated as a person. This is one of the most dangerous emotions that man has which leads to there emotional downfall. People loose a part of themselves, the values and there loving partners through this number one relationship killer
ReboundThis is my favorite topic. Many people think the quickest way to overcome there pain is through another person. Big mistake! You will find that these rebound relationships are all quick fixes. I met a man who I did not know came out of a painful relationship, I fell in love with him and little did I know I was filling a lonely heart that was in rebound after being released from an intense relationship. After a few months all the hurtful emotions that he did not deal with started to surface and doubt started sinking into his mind that I would do the same as his ex did to him because he did not fall in love with the value of my love but the idea of filling his loneliness and what he has lost. I could say it was a conflict of emotions, which was not dealt with correctly, and he got into our relationship for all the wrong reasons. People like me are available to others who come out of painful relationships and we end with the pain because our love heals there past pains. So my advise would be , if you know someone came out of a painful relationship its best you wait for them to heal and deal with there pain but don’t get emotionally involve with someone who needs to let go of past pains. You will be left dealing with all that pain and they will be healed and ready to move onto a healthy relationship.
Trophy
A very interesting subject, a new and upcoming kind of relationship that is breeding faster than any virus I know. Woman of a certain category age group find themselves victims to this new age relationship. At first she will not know that she falls into that category she will be told after she is in it for a few months but will not understand it until the end of the relationship becomes inevitable. The “trophy” relationship is based on how she makes him feel in public, it is a “show” not a relationship. It is all how she makes him feel in public and what she provides as a woman rather than as a person. He would prefer to be out having dinners in the best restaurants so that people can see who he is with and that will boost his ego, He would not prefer to take her to places where they are intimately alone, in fact he would be very annoyed when they are alone because she does nothing for him, it is her presence that attracts others to look at him that strokes his ego and that is what he strives on, his need is ego driven not her. He needs public validation and she provides him with that attention .This need of validation becomes painful to him because eventually the trophy starts rusting and then needs to be replaced and the cycle continues until he becomes to old to provide the needs to maintain a trophy.
Validation
We all are victims to this word. Some enter into relationship to feel validated even though they hate the things there partner does, Example they would never choose a partner that drinks nor a partner that loves naked bars but there need for validation allows them to look pass that and they enter into validation relationships because of that need, but when they are validated they become restless as the need increases and for that reason they will never feel secure because of the constant need to be validated.
Emotional emptiness
People who constantly feel empty and feel a void in there lives enter into this kind of relationship. This emptiness are experienced by discomfort or tension in its mild forms, later it leads to depression and many men fall into these stages but never understand it. Whether a relationship is healthy or not, loving or abusive, fulfilling or annoying it will be unimportant because just the idea of “being in a relationship” fills the emptiness.
You can see how easy it is to get into a wrong relationship for the wrong reasons with the wrong people. Only after months when the high has worn off do we see clearly of our mistake that then leads to pain. More painful is when you are faced with the reality that you could have avoided this pain but chose the “quick fix” method.
Love is a wonderful emotion filled with joy and it heightens our existence. At the same time when we use these tools incorrectly, it could cause major damage to our lives. How often do you hear someone say, “You make me miserable,”” I am annoyed by the way you love me”…etc so often this is the kind of person who lacks wholeness and completion in himself or herself. They are the people who fears love because they have emotional damage that they have not learned to deal with it. Telling your partner that something as beautiful as love is annoying should tell you about the emotional scars he/ she carries within themselves and your love is so strong that the more you love them the more you draw out the pain, I would say that could be very healing to the one who is receiving the love and the person that is loving should not feel belittled because they are helping someone to heal. The One who fights against an emotion of love is one who loves deeply, He/she will go through the extremes to push, hurt and avoid the one who loves them. Some people do not understand that sometimes allowing them to feel the pain of love is actually, what they need to heal. Allow the other persons love to draw out the pain within you. Do not try to avoid them; do not try to persuade them that you are not what they want. Trust there judgment that they know what they want. You need to trust yourself and understand that if they are drawing out so much pain then it means that they can fill it with so much love. You need to be honest and tell them that you want to love but you need there support in understanding that you need time to heal. As long as there is respect and devotion, then it is healthy but when it becomes abusive and disrespectful then that is when you have to draw the line.
Why do we choose the partners that we fall in love with?
If we all had the answers I suppose we would all not Love at all.
With a few experiences and Research, we can teach ourselves to understand these complex emotions and learn how to manage these feelings in a loving and constructive way. We all try very hard to avoid hurt and pain but little do we know that those emotions bring out the hidden “agendas” within ourselves that is actually fighting to be released from our bodies and it takes certain people to draw it out of us. We might feel that they are responsible for our hurt and suffering but we do not realize at the time that no one can hurt something that is within you but yourself. Some might say He/She is responsible for hurting me but the reality is, He/she is not, he/she is part of your life but they cannot hold, control nor make you feel your value. You have to be responsible for your own heart, feelings and life. We make the mistake or we give other people the responsibility of taking care what is within ourselves who are irresponsible and then becomes very destructive to our well-being. If we made that choice of allowing other people to take care of our heart and feelings then how can we blame them for not taking care of it the way we would have ourselves. That is why when we are hurt and when we are disappointed we cannot say they hurt us, they broke our heart, they let us down, and we did that to ourselves by not taking care of ourselves.
Points on why people yearn to be in relationships, which is for all the wrong reasons.
1. Loneliness
2. pressure
3. Lust
4. Rebound
5. Trophy
6. Validation
7. Emotional Emptiness
Loneliness:
I consider loneliness the second killer after aids. Loneliness is all in the mind, we can be sitting in a crowd amongst our family, kids and friends that adore us but the loneliness cannot be erased. An example of loneliness and I am sure many can relate to this story is when you sitting at home all alone, you think back of your ex you then feel empty, your heart hurts and you remember the happy times, someone that made you feel special and then suddenly you will hear yourself saying “maybe I should call and tell him I miss him” it cant hurt, can it? Perhaps that relationship was for me ….
Another example : you on a date and she is not that attractive but what the heck it beats sitting at home alone, you finish your dinner and your thoughts are racing , as this lady is giving you signals that she likes you but you know she is not the one for you but she is filling a gap. You missed the closeness and she is providing it for you, so what if you decide to sleep with her, it does not mean you have to marry her, Right?
Take the first story, loneliness drove her to call her ex, he came over, cheered her up and slept with her, the next day when the loneliness period disappeared they found themselves back in the red zone and eventually had no option but to break all ties.
The second story He starts to feel comfortable with the idea of having someone around, she is in love with him, he only needs someone to fill his loneliness and eventually he marries her, A few months later after his heart and frame of mind is healed and stronger to be independent he finds himself in a miserable marriage because his needs are not met by her anymore. He leaves her and moves on.
Pressure
Woman have these pressures more than men do, they have to consider there age for child bearing, they have to consider there Looks and Body as time goes on. Men’s pressure comes mostly from being financially stable. We are pressured by our friends which are married but little do we know they actually envy us being single because we not the ones that need to rush to cook for our husbands , we can decide to go to the movies when it pleases us and there is no need to fill out leave forms to leave the house. Single people are always pressured to settle down because society has placed that “burden” on relationships.
Lust
Many people prolong toxic relationships because there partner is good in bed. People who have the tendency to confuse love with lust have the problem with having sexual encounters with many people without realizing that they have lost all value to themselves. It is not about Love but it is about wanting someone, no matter who it is as long as it is filled with a human. Someone that renders a service and makes you feel validated as a person. This is one of the most dangerous emotions that man has which leads to there emotional downfall. People loose a part of themselves, the values and there loving partners through this number one relationship killer
ReboundThis is my favorite topic. Many people think the quickest way to overcome there pain is through another person. Big mistake! You will find that these rebound relationships are all quick fixes. I met a man who I did not know came out of a painful relationship, I fell in love with him and little did I know I was filling a lonely heart that was in rebound after being released from an intense relationship. After a few months all the hurtful emotions that he did not deal with started to surface and doubt started sinking into his mind that I would do the same as his ex did to him because he did not fall in love with the value of my love but the idea of filling his loneliness and what he has lost. I could say it was a conflict of emotions, which was not dealt with correctly, and he got into our relationship for all the wrong reasons. People like me are available to others who come out of painful relationships and we end with the pain because our love heals there past pains. So my advise would be , if you know someone came out of a painful relationship its best you wait for them to heal and deal with there pain but don’t get emotionally involve with someone who needs to let go of past pains. You will be left dealing with all that pain and they will be healed and ready to move onto a healthy relationship.
Trophy
A very interesting subject, a new and upcoming kind of relationship that is breeding faster than any virus I know. Woman of a certain category age group find themselves victims to this new age relationship. At first she will not know that she falls into that category she will be told after she is in it for a few months but will not understand it until the end of the relationship becomes inevitable. The “trophy” relationship is based on how she makes him feel in public, it is a “show” not a relationship. It is all how she makes him feel in public and what she provides as a woman rather than as a person. He would prefer to be out having dinners in the best restaurants so that people can see who he is with and that will boost his ego, He would not prefer to take her to places where they are intimately alone, in fact he would be very annoyed when they are alone because she does nothing for him, it is her presence that attracts others to look at him that strokes his ego and that is what he strives on, his need is ego driven not her. He needs public validation and she provides him with that attention .This need of validation becomes painful to him because eventually the trophy starts rusting and then needs to be replaced and the cycle continues until he becomes to old to provide the needs to maintain a trophy.
Validation
We all are victims to this word. Some enter into relationship to feel validated even though they hate the things there partner does, Example they would never choose a partner that drinks nor a partner that loves naked bars but there need for validation allows them to look pass that and they enter into validation relationships because of that need, but when they are validated they become restless as the need increases and for that reason they will never feel secure because of the constant need to be validated.
Emotional emptiness
People who constantly feel empty and feel a void in there lives enter into this kind of relationship. This emptiness are experienced by discomfort or tension in its mild forms, later it leads to depression and many men fall into these stages but never understand it. Whether a relationship is healthy or not, loving or abusive, fulfilling or annoying it will be unimportant because just the idea of “being in a relationship” fills the emptiness.
You can see how easy it is to get into a wrong relationship for the wrong reasons with the wrong people. Only after months when the high has worn off do we see clearly of our mistake that then leads to pain. More painful is when you are faced with the reality that you could have avoided this pain but chose the “quick fix” method.
Love is a wonderful emotion filled with joy and it heightens our existence. At the same time when we use these tools incorrectly, it could cause major damage to our lives. How often do you hear someone say, “You make me miserable,”” I am annoyed by the way you love me”…etc so often this is the kind of person who lacks wholeness and completion in himself or herself. They are the people who fears love because they have emotional damage that they have not learned to deal with it. Telling your partner that something as beautiful as love is annoying should tell you about the emotional scars he/ she carries within themselves and your love is so strong that the more you love them the more you draw out the pain, I would say that could be very healing to the one who is receiving the love and the person that is loving should not feel belittled because they are helping someone to heal. The One who fights against an emotion of love is one who loves deeply, He/she will go through the extremes to push, hurt and avoid the one who loves them. Some people do not understand that sometimes allowing them to feel the pain of love is actually, what they need to heal. Allow the other persons love to draw out the pain within you. Do not try to avoid them; do not try to persuade them that you are not what they want. Trust there judgment that they know what they want. You need to trust yourself and understand that if they are drawing out so much pain then it means that they can fill it with so much love. You need to be honest and tell them that you want to love but you need there support in understanding that you need time to heal. As long as there is respect and devotion, then it is healthy but when it becomes abusive and disrespectful then that is when you have to draw the line.
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